I Smile Grimace at Style

Making its appearance fashionably late is...

Ha. Me? Stylish? I think you got the wrong person, Syida. I'm assuming you didn't see my last post about my hatred for shopping (yes, this includes clothes shopping). But I'll accept the award, anyway. Thank you.

You know who totally deserves this award is my cat, Kudos. She craves this kind of attention. She lives for style. She loves playing dress-up (well, not that she has a choice...). It just makes her feel purrty.

Kudos graciously accepts her award.

Will you accept?

Katie
Betsy
Kelly
Kathryn
Patti
Jillsmo
TV
Kirsten
Tattytiara

If you so choose to accept this award, there are rules that come along with it (because nothing worth having comes easy):

1) Thank with all your heart and link back to the blogger that generously awarded this to you
2) Share with the whole Internet world 7 random facts about yourself
3) Award some great bloggers

I GUESS I better start telling you about myself before this award is swept away from me right under my nose. Here goes:

My Facts

1. Do you know how a completely otherwise delicious cookie or brownie can be ruined? Just add nuts.
2. I am against dressing your dog or cat up in human-like outfits. Unless it's Halloween or something, then it's completely normal...
3. I contradict myself.
4. My ringtone for phone calls is currently "The Breakfast Machine" song from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. For texts, it's the Seinfeld theme song.
5. I was with my family vacationing in New York City--even stayed in a hotel within the Twin Towers--two weeks before September 11. Two weeks!
6. San Francisco is my favorite city. I'll probably end up writing a post about all the reasons why I love SF, so I won't explain here.
7. My "favorite" number is 13.

Well, I think I've overstayed my welcome with this particular award, so I'm making my fashionable exit (uh, you totally didn't just see me trip right then...).

Strictly and Confidential

The title of this post is the subject of an email I recently received. Now, I hardly ever receive scams via email, but this one kind of made my day because of just how far-fetched it was. I decided to take advantage of this fact and write back a fun little email to the scammer. Please don't believe everything written by him...or me. The words in bold are my thoughts. Enjoy:

The email I received:

STRICTLY AND CONFIDENTIAL:
Monday, January 17, 2011 8:24 AM
From: "mr arwan ibrahim"
To: undisclosed-recipients

STRICTLY AND CONFIDENTIAL :

Dear Friend

I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as we never met before. I am Mr. IBRAHIM ARWAN, the manager of Auditing and Accounting section of Bank Of Africa (B.O.A) Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I Hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families. I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand united state dollars ($15.5mUSD) Immediately to your account.

The fund has been dormant (in-active) for 10 years in our Bank here without any body coming for it. I want to release the fund to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer Mr. Andreas Schranner (the owner of the account) who died a long with his supposed next of kin in air crash since on 31st July 2000. I don't want the fund to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned fund, so this is the reason why I contacted you, so that my Bank will release the fund to you as the nearest person to the deceased customer.

Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested (Why? So I don't turn you in to Dateline and have them catch you and charge you with illegally ripping innocent people out of their hard-earned money? No, I don't think so. If you thought I was going to delete this, "Arwan", you were wrong. Instead I'll share this with the blog world. So there.). Upon receipt of your reply, I will give you more details regarding this transaction and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business. And also after the funds has been transfered into your bank account you will take 10% out as a compensation for the expenses you will make in this transaction and 50% is for me. I need to hear from you urgent so that I will give you more information regarding this transaction.

Your Full Name.......................... .?
Your Sex........................... ......?
Your Age........................... ......?
Your Country....................... ......?
Marital Status........................ ...?
Your Occupation.................... ......?
Your Personal Mobile N°...................?
Your Personal Fax N°......................?

Waiting for your urgent response so that we will starts immediately.

Best Regards,
Mr. IBRAHIM ARWAN

(Isn't it funny that his sender name from his email was Arwan Ibrahim, but now when he's signing, his first name is Ibrahim and his last name is Arwan?)

The email I wrote:

Re: STRICTLY AND CONFIDENTIAL:
Monday, January 17, 2011 2:27 PM
From: Sally
To: mrarwanibrahim@gmail.com (Feel free to write this guy if you want the millions of dollars. Tell him "Sally" sent you.)

Dear mr arwan ibrahim

Wow, what a fantastic surprise!!!!!!!!!! I never thought in a million years that I could have the sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand united state dollars ($15.5mUSD) in my account!!!! I will gladly give you my info. over the internet (which may come as a surprise to you since we have never met before)...

Your Full Name..........................Sally. That's S-a-l-l-y

Your Sex........................... ......No, never

Your Age........................... ......Are you really asking a woman her age? I don't know about in Africa, but here it's frowned upon :(

Your Country...................... ......Mainly only Carrie Underwood, Martina McBride, and Shania Twain

Marital Status........................ ..In Facebook's terms, "it's complicated"

Your Occupation.................... ....Wonder Woman's double

Your Personal Mobile N°...................I don't have one...but with this new $15 million+ I will finally be able to have one of my very own and not have to borrow someone's. Isn't that just so embarrassing when you've been waiting for your ride to come pick you up and you've been waiting for what seems forever (20 mins.) that you just want to call your ride to find out where they are, but you can't since you don't have a cell?! So, then you have to go up to a random stranger and ask to borrow their phone so that you can call and ask your ride where the heck they are and that you're freezing your butt off waiting in the snow for them? Does it even snow in Africa???? You know where I've always wanted to go?? AFRICA...on a safari!!! You have the best animals there. And I'm thinking now that I'm going to be rich, I can finally make this trip happen and scratch if off my bucket list!! Have you ever seen the movie Bucket List? I have. It was okay. I liked Jack Nicholson better in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest...and the book's even better than the movie. Then, on the other hand, I liked The Shining movie better than the book. I don't know why, but I like "scary" movies, ha, even though 86% of the time they're not even scary. I was kind of disappointed in the book The Shining--too much cussing for my taste. So, do you know what I did? I actually (haha, don't tell anyone) crossed/scribbled out all the F-words in that book, because, hey, I don't cuss and neither should Jack Nicholson's character--it's not very nice. Did you know that I used to think if you said "I swear..." then you were cussing? Of course, I was a little kid when I thought that. Haha, I was a cute little kid. Oh, wait, I think I've been blabbing. But can you blame me? I'm freakin' gonna be rich!!!!! Soooooooooooooo excited. :) :) :) :) :) :)

Your Personal Fax N°......................If I don't even have a personal mobile number, what makes you think I would have my own personal fax number?! Silly goose.

Now I'm waiting for YOUR urgent response.

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it.
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.
Ooooohhhh yeaaaaaaahhhhh.

Take care, friend.
Sally

PS: Besides going to Africa, I'm also going to donate at least $2 million to orphanages. I love kids. I think they should be treated with respect and have the best things that money can buy. Of course, I can't give them a good life like Brangelina, but now with this money, I probably finally can. I think Asian and black babies are cute. That's not to say that white babies aren't, though. Well, fine, I just think all babies are cute...well, some are ugly, but, ha, what are you supposed to tell their moms? "Hey, uh, your baby's not as adorable as you think"? Or "Yeah, I don't find your baby remotely attractive to my eyes"? Or "Your baby could win a dog show"? Or "If it's cute to you, then I should probably think it's cute also because that's the nice thing to do"? People don't actually say those things but that's what they're thinking when they see ugly babies. I know that's what I think. I think it but I don't say it...which is the socially acceptable way here. I don't know, maybe Africa is different. Maybe you say whatever's on your mind, like asking a woman her age. Tsk. Tsk. But I think kids in orphanages deserve the chance to be cute, or have at least someone think they're semi-attractive, so that's why I'd donate money to them...to buy them cute new clothes. Or, if needed, a nose job.

To see Sally's reply to yet another man who wants to give her money, click here. Or here.

Shanimal's Southwest Wild Adventure!

Ever wondered what Southwest wildlife encases?

Welcome to Shanimal's Southwest Wild Adventures! Here you'll learn about Southwest wild animals. 100% guaranteed. If you're not satisfied with this tour, well then, I guess you've just lost some of your valuable time. View at your own risk. As you don't know, I just went on a trip through Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, and up through Utah again. I visited six National Parks along the way. Below are stupendous pictures I took of all the wild animals I saw.

Not Pictured: Elk.

The Tarantula! I had never seen a wild one before, so this was a rare treat. Well, maybe "treat" isn't the correct word, but it was a rare occasion. I tried to convince my grandma to hold it but for some reason she sharply declined.

Grand Canyon (South Rim) National Park

The Raven! This bird was very common around the desert areas. Apparently, these birds are pretty dang smart. One of the smartest in the world. Speaking of ravens, did you know they're in the process of making a movie about Edgar Allen Poe starring John Cusack?

Grand Canyon (South Rim) National Park

The Mule Deer! Okay, so we have deer in our yard every night, so this wasn't such a "treat". Okay, so they still were very cute to look at. One thing that I found out about them a few weeks ago, though, is that they don't like to eat potato peelings. Interesting?

Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park

The Ladybug! Wiiiiiiiild. Craaaaazy. I can't believe I actually saw a ladybug up close and personal!...I actually saw about ten. And no, I'm not really this excited that I saw a ladybug. Yes, ladybugs are cool and all, I just don't get super excited over them. Do you think the males feel confused or offended knowing that they're constantly being called ladies? So feminine. Hmm. I sure am writing a lot about something that I don't get very excited over, don't I?

Some National Park and Everywhere Else, USA

The Peregrine Falcon (I think...)! I'm not really a bird-person (so no, sorry, but I don't birdwatch) but this bird was magnificent. He ruled the roost. He was just perched watching us. I'm just glad he didn't poop on us. Oh yeah, his wingspan was cool. Very big.

Mesa Verde National Park

The Rock Squirrel! Did you know that the most common injury at the Grand Canyon is squirrel bites? Yeah, just look at this cute guy to the right...taking a bite...out of a cracker (I didn't feed him so don't report me to authorities--I'm just the photographer). Well, after he had his cracker snack, I sat down on the wall and he decided to climb across my lap...and I was even lucky enough to pet him. Yes, he was looking for crackers. I know I'M crackers but that doesn't mean I carry crackers with me. Phew. I'm lucky I survived and wasn't bitten by this cute little fella. I'm sure he wouldn't be cute after being bitten, but for now let's say he's cute.

Grand Canyon (South Rim) National Park

...and the Wildest of the Animals Was...

This! Oh, you mean you can't tell from this crappy picture what I'm trying to show you? Okay, okay, I'll just tell you. It's a wig! A wig that was so horribly wrong and didn't match the guy's real hair that I had to take a picture! Unfortunately, the picture doesn't do the hairpiece justice. I don't mean to be rude, sir, but the people you were with should have told you the piece just didn't fit, or match, and that it looked like roadkill.

Dangerous? To the eye. Captivating? Definitely. Wild? So wild that I didn't want to get too close--it might bite.

Bryce Canyon National Park

This concludes our Shanimal Southwest Wildlife Adventure! Thanks for stopping by, and be sure to pick up a brochure on your way out. Don't forget, animals are wild and have a mind of their own...or they like to sit on people's minds...or heads.

Movin' On Up

Children learn at an early age to express their creativity in unique ways--sometimes resulting in graffiti. Take a look at the drawing below which I discovered on the playground at the school I work at. This child is clearly learning to graffiti for the first time, since the drawing is done in sidewalk chalk. Tsk. Tsk. I admire the child for wanting to share his love of lollipops, but that face is kind of a creepy one, which made me not enjoy the Lollipop Licker wording as much.


Now, we fast forward through this child's life a few years and he's progressed. No longer is he drawing on playgrounds, but rather, he is now expressing his need to beautify the city by writing on street signs. I took the featured picture below in Stratford-upon-Avon, England last year (I must admit that this picture is my favorite from all the pictures I took in the United Kingdom).

This child who has gone from drawing lollipops to writing Hammer Time has moved up in more ways than one:

1: The child can now reach higher things than the playground stairs. He can now reach tall street signs to express his thoughts.
2. The child no longer is drawing a gremlin-looking thing who loves to lick lollipops.
3. The child actually used song lyrics to promote his graffiti, which I find hilarious...since it's an American song (on an English stop sign) from the early '90s.
4. The child made me laugh with his whole STOP Hammer Time stunt, because it was so unexpected for me to find next to Shakespeare's burial site in 2009.
5. The child has left behind chalk and gone for permanency, thus leaving behind his mark for all to enjoy...unless, of course, the street sign gets taken down.
6. The child has moved all the way from Utah to a city in England that is best known as Shakespeare's birthplace and burial site.

Despite this child's creativity, he does have one downfall. No, it's not the fact that he is drawing on public property. No, it is not the fact that it's irreverent to write on a stop sign that is right next to the Holy Trinity Church where Shakespeare was buried. No, it's not the fact that Hammer Time is not written in a straight line but starts moving in the upper right position. The downfall of this child is that I never see any good graffiti around here, in Utah...oh wait, four years ago I saw a stop sign that said STOP (obviously) and then underneath, it said Bush. Somebody actually wrote STOP Bush...in Utah!

But, no one can beat the STOP Hammer Time sign because:

I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay.

It's "Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo, Hammer"

and the rest can go and play.

U Can't Touch This

***I don't support graffiti, but if you're going to do it anyways, then you might as well make it entertaining for those who have to see it everyday.

Nessie

Pictures of a MASSIVE goldfish have been circulating the Internet recently. I suspect that this is the REAL Loch Ness Monster:

Well, Scotland, I guess you'll have to be closing all of your tourist museums around Loch Ness, stop selling all of your tourist shirts, hats, keychains, mugs, sweaters-for-your-dog that say I Survived Loch Ness or Nessie is My Friend etc. because in my opinion, your "monster" is only a giant koi fish. Which isn't cool at all. Say goodbye to anybody ever coming to visit Loch Ness again (like I did a year ago. And no, I didn't take one of those boat "tours" to try and spot Nessie. Nor did I go into your museums...you guys charge way too much!).

Stop pretending this is Nessie, because everybody knows it's a FAKE now that we've seen how big koi fish can grow to be:

And, frankly, you should be embarrassed that you believe dinosaurs are still alive. Yep, that's right, I went to a dinosaur museum a few weeks ago that said dinosaurs are extinct, and I kind of believe them.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry, Scotland. I actually do regret not spending a fortune to walk through a cheaply-put-together museum catered to tourists. And believe it or not, I actually do regret not riding one of your "Let's find Nessie!" type of boat tours. I guess that's the whole Loch Ness experience...I mean, there's nothing else to go off of, right? I'm actually sad, too, that I don't have a mug that says I Believe in Nessie...because then at least, it'd prove that I'd been to Loch Ness, which is kind of famous. Oh, sure, I have pictures of me with the water in the background, but that looks like any other body of water. What makes Loch Ness so special is that it has an actual monster-of-a-thing living IN the water, and I really wish now that I had gone into that museum and saw other "undoctored" photos of Nessie at her best--above the water. Then I could've had a picture taken of me next to those pictures to prove that I was at Loch Ness...or at least in a museum of Loch Ness. Anyways...

I'll pretend that the classic picture of Nessie (above) is real and that there really aren't koi fish that huge, just to help you out and keep the tourists flowing in your direction. After all, you're Scotland, and you're cool. I'm glad to be of Scottish heritage, even if what you're most known for (at least around here) is Braveheart's William Wallace (no, not Mel Gibson) and most of all, the Loch Ness Monster. I mean, between those two options, Nessie is clearly the most realistic character of the two...and I could've had a one-in-a-zillion shot (kind of like finding OJ Simpson guilty of murdering his wife...) of seeing Nessie if I had taken a boat tour!

I ♥ UT

I was at Wal-Mart today when I was amused to see a woman wearing an I ♥ UT shirt...in Utah. Seriously, though, who sells shirts proclaiming their love for Utah? Even better, who buys a shirt proclaiming their love for Utah? I just find that so funny--in fact, I thought about taking a picture and sending it to peopleofwalmart.com, but alas, I don't think many people would find it hilarious like I did...unless, you have a unique sense of humor, I guess.


Normally vacation spots such as New York City or London will sell shirts that consequently say I ♥ NYC or I ♥ London. Well, San Francisco happens to be one of those cities who is also supportive of selling these shirts. I'm originally from a city about 45 minutes from San Fran and so my family would "travel" there every so often. When we found out we would be moving to Utah my sister decided that she needed to have a San Fran shirt to remember that beautiful city by. So, now we're living in Utah and one day my sister decides to wear her I ♥ SF shirt. Bless this Utard's heart, but someone actually came up to her and said, "Wow, I didn't know Spanish Fork sells shirts." Sheltered? Yes. I mean, has this person never been out of Utah before so they think that SF can only possibly stand for a farming town with a population of around 30,000? That is freakin' awesome. Utah natives, I ♥ U.

I ♥ LAMP, too.