Sally's Contact

This was in Sally's inbox:

Saturday, March 12, 2011 3:00 AM

From:"Suzana N. V." <md.suzana@att.net>

To: undisclosed-recipients

Good day

Nice to meet you, my name is Suzana, I found your contact and I picked interest to contact you. I've something very important which I would love to share with you therefore, I would appreciate if you respond back to me so that I'll give you my full details. I am waiting anxiously for your anticipated co-operation.

Yours,
Suzana.

This is now in Sally's outbox:

Friday, June 3, 2011 4:40 PM

From: "Sally Fernandez"

To: md.suzana@att.net

Re: Good day

My Suzana!♥♥♥

Oh, Suzana, now don’t you cry for me. For I’ve come from Alabama with a harmonica in a tree. Hehe, just kidding. I’ve been called a jokester. I’m even considering becoming a comedian. Do you think I’d be good at it, Suzana? I think so—because even just walking down the street, people point and laugh at me. Anyways, I’ve actually come from Mississippi. I hitchhiked the full 9 hours in order to serenade Billy last night. It was super fun! I got to meet a lot of different types of guys, and they all had one thing in common—they each drove a big rig. But Large Marge wasn't in it. <------That was a joke because Large Marge isn't real. At least Mom tells me she's only pretend because she's from a movie. But Frankenstein is from a movie and he's real. I know because I see him every year saying "Trick or treat, smell my feet." And every time I tell him no thank you. (And I don't know if I'm supposed to tell anyone this, but it can be our little secret: he's a lot shorter in person.)

They were all so nice to give me a lift! Especially since I was on a dark, dirt road in the middle of nowhere with signs all around that said Prison Area: Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers. The first guy who picked me up asked to make sure I was a go-go girl. I told him yeah, obviously. I’m a girl on the go--that I was headed to see Billy! Then he told me how it was just my luck—that he’s been called Billy the Kid once or twice in his 70 years of life because he was, and I quote, "bad to the bone." I asked him if he knew my grandma because she has Osteoporosis, too. And then I told him that he sure doesn't look like Billy. because Billy isn't a kid. Then I think something got in his eye because his eye kept twitching. Oh, wait, there’s a word for that. Blink. He blinked at me.

That guy who claimed to be Billy was a liar. He wasn’t bad. He had a funny bone. Not a bad bone. I don't know where he came up with that. He showed me things I've never seen before. Like jelly beans. Gel candies. I think it's the same gel that Dr. Scholl's uses? That makes it all the tastier! In the shape of beans. Amazing. I'll tell you what, whoever invented jelly beans is a genius, pure genius. The next guy was pretty weird, though. The first thing he said to me was that I could be his prisoner of love. I told him that I didn’t see how that is possible, since I don’t want to go to prison. How I’ve never stolen anything in my life except that one time that I took a dead puffer fish out of a Wal-Mart fish tank. I gave that that away as a gift to my grandma, because she told me for her birthday she wanted a back scratcher. When she saw it, she fainted, out of surprise. A good surprise. What do you want for YOUR birthday, Suzana? When is your birthday, anyways? Billy’s is September 3. Do you think it’s weird that that one guy brought up my criminal history within the first 4 seconds of meeting me? I would never do that to you. The guy then said that we could make our own music. So, naturally, I took his harmonica from the glove box. Then he just stared at me. He didn’t even give me a blink with one eye. Then he asked me how I could be so stupid. But he’s the dumb one. If he didn’t want me to play the harmonica then why did he even mention music?

Sorry for blabbing. I’m ecstatic that you found my contact! I've been looking all over for that dang thing!! How did you find my contact information? Was it from this sign that I only posted on every tree around Billy’s yard?

 

Last night as I was sitting in the tire swing that I purposefully hung right next to Billy's house, to serenade him with my new harmonica, I accidentally bumped into his window when I was trying to catch a glimpse of his cute little face resting against his pillow. As I was against his window, the branch decided to collapse. I banged my head against the window (but don’t tell anyone else because my reputation could be ruined). That's when I think my contact popped out of my eye. Looking on the bright side, though, I can’t see anything out of my left eye. I think I’m in love. Love is blind.

I decided to take advantage of the 45 minutes that my face was squished against Billy’s window, and just gazed at him. I wonder if he was dreaming of me. After 46 minutes and 3 seconds, my butt started to get tired from sitting on that branch. I repositioned myself but I think in the process I hit Billy's window with my belly button, tongue, or something, because he shot right up and just stared at me. As if he'd seen a ghost...or his nightmare. I thought it would be best to coddle him, so I tapped on his window with my nail-less fingers. I yelled at him through his window that I’d been watching him sleep, and how he was perfect like an angel. Then I asked him to kiss my boo boo--that he'd be the only one to make my sore bum feel better. Then I called him my boo, for special effects, you know. He still stared at me. I knew that this request of mine would leave him speechless. It was his dream come true. Literally. So, as he got out of bed and crept closer to the window, paused, peered at me for five seconds, and then scowled, I knew that he was only nervous. He's probably never kissed a girl before.

Get this! He opened the window! I can’t tell you how excited I was. These were the EXACT words he said to me:

"Hey, you. Yeah, you. You can kiss my butt."

Then he slammed the window.

And closed his shades.

This is the moment my heart melted. I knew it all along. Finally he was man enough to admit it.

He wanted me to kiss him!

Okay, I can’t even tell you how excited I was (x56)! Did you know that's the most romantic thing that he (or anyone else) has ever said to me? (Wait, no, one time Billy told me 12 years ago in high school, that he was out of my league. I couldn't believe that he invited me to go bowling!) Anyways, he really DOES like me! How did you know when you were in love? I've been waiting years to hear these words from him. But I’ve always known that Billy like-likes me because I've seen him wear his I ♥ SF shirt to bed at LEAST 4 times this week.

I’m glad I’ve been able to have some girl-talk. Last time I tried talking to a girl, it was to Marcia, but that was months ago and she never replied to me. You’re the bestest friend a girl could ever have, Suz♥♥♥. Am I your bestest friend?

How I N.V. you, Suzana (Ha! Did you catch that? I made a joke using your initials. I crack myself up.), because you have ME as a friend. I promise I’ll be a good one. Just tell me what you want for your birthday and if there’s a boy you like.

Your Best Friend Forever and Ever and Ever and Ever and Ever and Ever (time infinity) and Ever, 

 Sally Fernandez♥♥♥

Here are some pictures of my left contact from when I first got it 2 years ago. These pictures are from all different angles, so you know you have the right one. No, not the right one. The left one. The left one would be the right one.

PS: Did you steal my contact?

PPS: If you didn't then I owe you a kiss. It won't be the chocolate kind of kiss. But you won't be disappointed! It'll probably be more medicated berry balm flavored.

Sally's Claim Form

Remember that last SPAM email "Sally" replied to? Well, she got a response. From Mr. Damien Lewis himself! She did the only logical thing--she wrote back!

The email "Sally" received:

On Wed, Feb 9, 2011 at 12:47 PM
Lewis wrote:
Attn: Sally Fernandez,

We are in receipt of your email and we can confirm that the lottery award made to your email address. Congratulations on the award of $2,500,000.00 (Two Million, Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) to your email address in our just concluded Electronic Promotions held in the Netherlands.
The award sum is deposited in a suspense account in your favor pending remittance. Your winning prize has a hardcover insurance policy that makes it impossible to make any deduction of any kind, until the sum is finally credited into your designated account.

As your assigned claim agent, my duty is to guide you on the procedures to ensure the prompt remittance of the winning sum and I would require your co-operation to facilitate this process.

A vetting process is to be carried out by the Gaming Board to have you validated as the beneficiary. You are expected to fill the attached form below and return, along with a copy of your valid identification document whi ch can be a copy of your passport or driver's license. This is a standard practice to ensure that payout is made to right beneficiary.

This process is vital and urgent, and all prize money should be claimed on or before 14 days, thereafter unclaimed funds would be included in the next stake. You are to keep all your winning information confidential, especially your reference numbers. This is important as a case of double claims will not be entertained.

You can call or send an email, if you require any guidance on how to complete the Claims Processing Form.
Your prompt response is expected.

Regards,

Damien Lewis
Tel: +31 626 006 051
Fax: +31 847 142 735

Sally's Response:

Re: Attn: Sally Fernandez (Claims Form Attached)
Saturday, February 26, 2011 10:17 PM
From: "Sally Fernandez"
To: "Lewis"

Mr. Damien Lewis!

Is it okay if I call you Dam the Man? I think we’re good enough friends now where I can give you a clever nickname. My brother Scott didn’t like it when I called him Scotty Too Hottie. He said that’s weird. I don’t know why. All my friends have crushes on their “brother from another mother.”

I am glad that you were assigned to be my claims agent. And I wholeheartedly trust that you will take me through the correct procedures. You’re kind of like the guide dog to me, the blind girl, in this situation. I have no idea what to do, but you’re right there, telling me what to do--being my eyes. I trust everything you tell me is honest and safe. You’re my dog. In fact, I'm came up with a new nickname for you. It only took me two hours, but I'm sure you'll love it: Mr. Fluffy.

How come you didn’t answer my questions in my last email? Am I too ugly? Do I seem needy? Wait, how would you even know what I look like? Was it because we're only supposed to have a business relationship? You're not a fan of Snuggies? Or is it because my questions were dumb? Why? Whyyyy? It’s okay that you didn’t, but I’m a little hurt. See, guys call girls “fragile,” but did you know it’s not pronounced the way that the dad says it in A Christmas Story? It’s not frah-gee-lay. No, I learned that in my French class. Well, I didn’t really take a real course; I just learned French from some boy named Fritiof, (nicknamed Frito Lay). Oh, on second thought, I have another question: Why is a Game Board validating me as the beneficiary? I hope it’s the game Balderdash. That’s my favorite board game!!! Balderdash: Senseless, stupid, or exaggerated talk or writing; nonsense. My favorite part of that game is making up stories as to why the person on the card is famous. People believe my stories all the time and I usually win.

Hey, can I have your opinion since you’re a guy and all? I was sure Billy really liked me after I called him that one day and I asked him if he’d like to meet up for dinner or something. I even gave him a choice: Burger King or Wendy’s. He told me, “Yeah, sure, whatever.” I was ecstatic!!! At last, I could see my dream of building Billy’s Bridge come true. But now when I call him up to ask him how much he’ll allot me for the meal that we’re supposed to have, I get this recording: This number has either been disconnected or is no longer in service. Do you think this means he loves me, Mr. Fluffy? Because it’s the SAME recording that my mom has and she loves me! *Giggle* Teehee! ;)

I totally get that you don’t want to entertain a double case. You’re probably not in the mood for entertaining after having so much money slip through your fingers every day. That’s probably really depressing. I can relate. Not in terms of money, though. Oh no, this is much more personal. See, gosh, I’m getting upset just thinking about it. I had this collection a year ago. I had been saving up for my wedding night for YEARS. Years. Then, last May, on my 29th birthday, Mom told me to clean my room because the “rancid” cup of milk in my room was “smelling the whole house up!” I don’t know what her problem was. I only left that milk out for Santa. Sure, it was a little early, but I was just showing him how considerate I am of others' needs. Besides, I thought if I could get on Santa’s good side, then my Christmas wish would come true. I left this note on Billy’s front door:

Billy, my Love, Please don’t be scared if a fat man grabs you and puts you in a bag. I asked for you for Christmas!! With all my heart, Sally

ANYWAYS…like I was saying, I was saving my collection of my nail clippings for my honeymoon with Billy. Then Mom came in my room while I was out on the town and “cleaned” my room and threw away my collection of clippings!!! Not to mention Santa’s milk. I was so mad. I said to myself, "Would ya just look at that? Just look at it!" So, yeah, I completely understand things slipping right through your fingers.

Just in case you do happen to get a double case, I have some excellent suggestions for forms of entertainment. I used to do these things with Scott, but shortly after, he'd disown me in public when I'd ask his friends if they wanted to join us:

1. Watch Catfish in beanbag chairs with your two cases! Then again, Catfish is about a person who makes a fake profile on the Internet for attention. Come to think of it, maybe that’s not the most appropriate movie to watch.
2. We could bring my grandma into the picture and watch her (from our beanbag chairs) burp the ABCs! Don’t mind me if I’m putting my nose up to her mouth. I just like the smell of SpaghettiOs.
3. If those aren’t entertaining to your two cases, you could always deliver ketchup peanut butter cookies to your neighbors. It’s the neighborly thing to do.

I have attached the filled-out form and my license at your request. Actually, that’s not really MY license—it’s Frito Lay’s. He said I could have whatever I wanted…so I don't understand why he dropped me back off at the corner in a huff when I said I wanted a picture of his license. Boys!

Your loving new friend,

Sally

(Click on the photo for an enlargement)

The first email from Mr. Damien Lewis.
Sally's very first SPAM email ever!

A Star is Born

My alternate personality, Sally Fernandez, is one lucky girl! People just like to hand money away like it's nothing--and she's always the recipient of this kind act.

The email I received:

RE: NOTIFICATION OF EMAIL AWARD
Tuesday, February 8, 2011 6:52 PM
From: "wmclean@sunbeach.net"
To: undisclosed-recipients

RE: NOTIFICATION OF EMAIL AWARD

We are pleased to inform you of the email reward program for internet users. Your email address was the star pick from the automated ballot system and by virtue of this pick, you are entitled to receive the grand reward of Two Million, Five Hundred Thousand Dollars.

This is a reward program for the patronage of internet services and all email addresses entered for the promotional draws were randomly selected from an internet resource database of registered software and domain users. This promotional draw is conducted in the Netherlands, but email entries were drawn on a global basis.

Reference Number: RGM-1313
e-ticket number: A-8700916
Amount: 2,500,000.00 (Two Million, Five Hundred Thousand Dollars)

For instructions to receive this amount, you should establish contact with the Enquiry Officer using details stated below:
Contact: Mr. Damien Lewis
Phone: +31 626 006 051
Email: enquirydeptlewis@yahoo.cn

You are required to directly contact Mr. Lewis and furnish him with the following information:
Name:....... Address:........ Phone/Fax:....., Cell Phone:......,Email:....., Alternative Email:...., Occupation:...., and E-ticket number:

NOTE: It's important you initiate correspondence with Damien Lewis immediately for guidance to receive the allotted sum.

Marcia brian

Promotions Coordinator


NOTE

contact the clamis agent

My response:

Re: RE: NOTIFICATION OF EMAIL AWARD
Tuesday, February 8, 2011 8:35 PM
From:"Sally Fernandez"
To: enquirydeptlewis@yahoo.cn

Mr. Damien Lewis,

What an honor is is to write you!!!!!!!! And I'm so honored that Marcia referred to my email as the star pick. I always knew I was a star, but didn't think I shined brightly enough for anyone to see the light I give this world. I am glad to finally be recognized...especially with money! I am confused, though, I didn't enter my email into a drawing to be picked. I must have a secret admirer. See, now I can finally prove my point to Molly who said I'll never amount to anything. And I told her, oh yeah, well...you just wait. Someday I'll be a bright, burning star and you'll just be...Molly. I told her this 12 years ago, but I wrote it down in my journal so that I could rewrite my future. And, well, she must've told her boyfriend at the time, Billy, that I told her TO HER FACE that she's JUST going to be Molly and he must've had an epiphany at that exact moment, knowing that he couldn't be with a "just Molly." He ended up breaking up with her 4 years later, but I think the whole time that he was dating her he was crushing on me, knowing that I had potential star power. I knew KNEW they were going to break up! So, I think he entered my email address into this drawing to get back at Molly and to get with me. I'm going to go call him now. Hold on.

After having a very awkward conversation with Billy, I am now furnishing you with the following information you requested:

Name:.......Sally Fernandez (I'm half American and half Spanish--although I don't speak an ounce of Spanish. Oh wait, no, I know one phrase: Mis pies son feos [the translation is: My feet are ugly. I didn't learn what the English translation was until I had been saying this Spanish phrase to every guy I talked to at Molly's request. Then, one guy finally responded to my bad Spanish with an English word: Fetish.])

Address:........Right now I'm just living off the generosity of others and am currently living from couch to couch. I don't have a permanent address, per se (yes, I do know Latin). My least favorite couch to sleep on, though, is the one that's on Dolly Lou's son's hairdresser's cousin's dogsitter's front porch. It gets kind of cold at night, and I'm right next to the dogs. Some would say I'm in the dog-house. But I don't know what that means.

Phone/Fax:.....Again, oh geez, I'm so embarrassed, but I don't have a phone that's also a fax machine. Oh man, now I'm all worried. How will you wire the money over to me if I don't have a fax number? Come to think of it, how will I get the money? Seeing as I don't have a bank account either, you'll probably just have to send me bills in an envelope addressed to my parents. But on the envelope it should say: For Sally's eyes only. Because sometimes my parents go through my mail and they've even read my love letters. Oh, it's so embarrassing. They told me I had, like, 24 letters from Foot Fetish boy, but he kind of creeped me out...but my mom said he's very nice because he even sent samples of toenail polish. Maybe I received a letter or two from Billy but they ripped it up and never showed me (they never liked him, you know, because he probably never sent samples of polish or anything). I don't know, but I think my parents also stole my Harry Potter Snuggie a few weeks ago that I ordered from As Seen On TV. I want my Snuggie now. I don't like having to share Max the Dog's fur coat. Did you know Snuggies can act as a robe-thingy AND as a blanket? It's so versatile.

Cell Phone:......Not applicable.

Email:.....This one.

Alternative Email:....I guess you could email wmclean@sunbeach.net if you want. We've become such good friends ever since I received the email from her an hour ago telling me I've won so much money. I don't know how I could ever repay her...not with my newfound money, that's for sure! I'll probably end up buying Billy a bridge and naming the bridge after him. Do you think Bridge Billy sounds good? I think I will even put a big red bow across it. I will also pick a star from the sky, you know, like in A Walk to Remember, how the boyfriend picked a star from the sky and named if after the girl? How romantic! Well, I'm going to do that too. I'm going to name the star Sally. See, it's kind of like a metaphor because the star is Sally. It's a metaphor for saying I'm a star because we all know people can't literally be stars. That would just be silly. But if there really is a star named Sally, then it can be literal.

Occupation:....I'm doing odd jobs at the moment. My favorite is taste-testing toilet bowl cleaners. My runner-up favorite is cutting my uncle's toe hair. I also like to braid it.

and E-ticket number: A-8700916

I don't know, but this must be my lucky month!! First, I received an email from Mr. Arwan Ibrahim telling me I've inherited 40% of 15 million!!!! Are you guys friends? Ooooh, maybe you're twins--you both have "Mr." as your first name. Cool! I think you guys are saints for just giving money away. You will surely be rewarded in the next life for being honest and charitable--especially to those who need it most. I have a question, you said I receive this much: 2,500,000.00. Now, is that in US dollars, African dollars, or Schrute bucks? Sorry, but you didn't explain as explicitly as Mr. Arwan Ibrahim did. Second, I received $8 from Uncle Harry for braiding--french brainding, nonetheless--his toe hair (yes, I'm also fluent in French as well). That was a surprise because usually he only pays me with Hostess cupcakes.

I am friends with anyone who gives me money. I especially like those guys who drive up to me in their nice sports cars when I'm just standing on the corner licking a lollipop at 1 AM. I don't know why, but they like to give me money like crazy just for being myself. They've even called me their own personal star. Take that, Molly!

I am anxiously awaiting your reply, my dear friend.

Sally

New Found Star

Mr. Arwan's email.
Sally received a response to this email!

Strictly and Confidential

The title of this post is the subject of an email I recently received. Now, I hardly ever receive scams via email, but this one kind of made my day because of just how far-fetched it was. I decided to take advantage of this fact and write back a fun little email to the scammer. Please don't believe everything written by him...or me. The words in bold are my thoughts. Enjoy:

The email I received:

STRICTLY AND CONFIDENTIAL:
Monday, January 17, 2011 8:24 AM
From: "mr arwan ibrahim"
To: undisclosed-recipients

STRICTLY AND CONFIDENTIAL :

Dear Friend

I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as we never met before. I am Mr. IBRAHIM ARWAN, the manager of Auditing and Accounting section of Bank Of Africa (B.O.A) Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I Hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families. I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand united state dollars ($15.5mUSD) Immediately to your account.

The fund has been dormant (in-active) for 10 years in our Bank here without any body coming for it. I want to release the fund to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer Mr. Andreas Schranner (the owner of the account) who died a long with his supposed next of kin in air crash since on 31st July 2000. I don't want the fund to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned fund, so this is the reason why I contacted you, so that my Bank will release the fund to you as the nearest person to the deceased customer.

Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested (Why? So I don't turn you in to Dateline and have them catch you and charge you with illegally ripping innocent people out of their hard-earned money? No, I don't think so. If you thought I was going to delete this, "Arwan", you were wrong. Instead I'll share this with the blog world. So there.). Upon receipt of your reply, I will give you more details regarding this transaction and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business. And also after the funds has been transfered into your bank account you will take 10% out as a compensation for the expenses you will make in this transaction and 50% is for me. I need to hear from you urgent so that I will give you more information regarding this transaction.

Your Full Name.......................... .?
Your Sex........................... ......?
Your Age........................... ......?
Your Country....................... ......?
Marital Status........................ ...?
Your Occupation.................... ......?
Your Personal Mobile N°...................?
Your Personal Fax N°......................?

Waiting for your urgent response so that we will starts immediately.

Best Regards,
Mr. IBRAHIM ARWAN

(Isn't it funny that his sender name from his email was Arwan Ibrahim, but now when he's signing, his first name is Ibrahim and his last name is Arwan?)

The email I wrote:

Re: STRICTLY AND CONFIDENTIAL:
Monday, January 17, 2011 2:27 PM
From: Sally
To: mrarwanibrahim@gmail.com (Feel free to write this guy if you want the millions of dollars. Tell him "Sally" sent you.)

Dear mr arwan ibrahim

Wow, what a fantastic surprise!!!!!!!!!! I never thought in a million years that I could have the sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand united state dollars ($15.5mUSD) in my account!!!! I will gladly give you my info. over the internet (which may come as a surprise to you since we have never met before)...

Your Full Name..........................Sally. That's S-a-l-l-y

Your Sex........................... ......No, never

Your Age........................... ......Are you really asking a woman her age? I don't know about in Africa, but here it's frowned upon :(

Your Country...................... ......Mainly only Carrie Underwood, Martina McBride, and Shania Twain

Marital Status........................ ..In Facebook's terms, "it's complicated"

Your Occupation.................... ....Wonder Woman's double

Your Personal Mobile N°...................I don't have one...but with this new $15 million+ I will finally be able to have one of my very own and not have to borrow someone's. Isn't that just so embarrassing when you've been waiting for your ride to come pick you up and you've been waiting for what seems forever (20 mins.) that you just want to call your ride to find out where they are, but you can't since you don't have a cell?! So, then you have to go up to a random stranger and ask to borrow their phone so that you can call and ask your ride where the heck they are and that you're freezing your butt off waiting in the snow for them? Does it even snow in Africa???? You know where I've always wanted to go?? AFRICA...on a safari!!! You have the best animals there. And I'm thinking now that I'm going to be rich, I can finally make this trip happen and scratch if off my bucket list!! Have you ever seen the movie Bucket List? I have. It was okay. I liked Jack Nicholson better in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest...and the book's even better than the movie. Then, on the other hand, I liked The Shining movie better than the book. I don't know why, but I like "scary" movies, ha, even though 86% of the time they're not even scary. I was kind of disappointed in the book The Shining--too much cussing for my taste. So, do you know what I did? I actually (haha, don't tell anyone) crossed/scribbled out all the F-words in that book, because, hey, I don't cuss and neither should Jack Nicholson's character--it's not very nice. Did you know that I used to think if you said "I swear..." then you were cussing? Of course, I was a little kid when I thought that. Haha, I was a cute little kid. Oh, wait, I think I've been blabbing. But can you blame me? I'm freakin' gonna be rich!!!!! Soooooooooooooo excited. :) :) :) :) :) :)

Your Personal Fax N°......................If I don't even have a personal mobile number, what makes you think I would have my own personal fax number?! Silly goose.

Now I'm waiting for YOUR urgent response.

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it.
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.
Ooooohhhh yeaaaaaaahhhhh.

Take care, friend.
Sally

PS: Besides going to Africa, I'm also going to donate at least $2 million to orphanages. I love kids. I think they should be treated with respect and have the best things that money can buy. Of course, I can't give them a good life like Brangelina, but now with this money, I probably finally can. I think Asian and black babies are cute. That's not to say that white babies aren't, though. Well, fine, I just think all babies are cute...well, some are ugly, but, ha, what are you supposed to tell their moms? "Hey, uh, your baby's not as adorable as you think"? Or "Yeah, I don't find your baby remotely attractive to my eyes"? Or "Your baby could win a dog show"? Or "If it's cute to you, then I should probably think it's cute also because that's the nice thing to do"? People don't actually say those things but that's what they're thinking when they see ugly babies. I know that's what I think. I think it but I don't say it...which is the socially acceptable way here. I don't know, maybe Africa is different. Maybe you say whatever's on your mind, like asking a woman her age. Tsk. Tsk. But I think kids in orphanages deserve the chance to be cute, or have at least someone think they're semi-attractive, so that's why I'd donate money to them...to buy them cute new clothes. Or, if needed, a nose job.

To see Sally's reply to yet another man who wants to give her money, click here. Or here.