I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Be My Guest, Put My Service to the Test...

I just did something I've never done before.

Nope, skydiving is still on the list of things to do. Along with SCUBA diving. Aaaaand going to Africa. Aaaaaand becoming a renowned photographer for National Geographic.

But I am glad that I am now able to say that I have been a guest blogger. Yep. Let's get this par-tay started, shall we?

Uh, you'll need to head on over to Lauren's awesome blog to read some funny/humorous stories (and mine, if you want). And before you're gettin' jiggy wit it at THAT party, don't forget to pick up some root beer, Freschetta pepperoni pizza, and light bulbs on your way over.

Update: I have since decided to have the guest post I wrote for Lauren on my blog as well. Here it is:

I consider myself to be a pretty honest person.

Mom: Shannon, do you want to do these dishes?
Me: No.

Friend: Shannon, I’d like for you to meet Billy. He’s from California too. Isn’t that cool?
Me: Uh, it’s all right.

Stranger: Hi, how are you?
Me: Sad. My cat’s on her deathbed and I had to take her to the vet. I touched her paw to see if I could get a reaction from her, but she just sat there and purred. Usually she’ll bite my hand to pieces. I’m so worried!

But there is one area in life that I suck at telling the truth: while shopping.

“Did you find everything okay?” asks every bright-eyed cashier as I’m checking out.

“Yeah,” I eagerly say to the person who’s ha ndling my macaroni and cheese and my mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I’ll admit it: 78% of the time, my answer to this simple question is untrue. I am guilty. I am bad.

No, I did not find everything okay.

To me, shopping should be like this:
  1. Have your shopping list and pen in hand
  2. Scribble each item off into oblivion once fo
  3. Place found item in cart (or, as southerners say, buggy—as if you need to cradle your precious Cheetos)
  4. On to the next item on the list
***No need to lollygag through the aisles looking at products that “You MUST Have!!!”:


Ever wanted to be a kangaroo? Now is your chance!

Anything Twilight
But if a situation presents itself to me where I can’t find the light bulb on my list that I so desperately need, I’m frustrated. I’m impatient. I’m not one to “window shop.”

I don’t like having to make my short legs unnecessarily walk up and down every aisle three times only to continuously be confronted with this:

Food, you're supposed to be my friend! You're supposed to give me comfort when I'm feeling down. You're not supposed to reinforce my feeling of stupidity for not being able to find a light bulb. Jerk.

And, better yet, there are no employees on the floor to ask where the light bulbs are located. So you have to go all the way up to customer service, ask where the light bulbs are, only to be directed in the same location where you were looking for the past ten minutes.

Be prepared to walk up and down each aisle at least three times.

So, a few weeks ago, I found myself once again in this situation: “Did you find everything okay?”

The moment of truth finally came.

Do I tell the truth and nothing but the truth? The answer I give can make or break my integrity…or do I give the answer that the cashier is expecting?

After debating in my head whether or not to tell the cashier if I did actually find everything okay, I came to a conclusion.

I would tell the truth.

“No, not really.”

Feeling victorious in the battle that took place in my mind, I felt a sense of freedom. Feeling confident in knowing that what I said was right, I could only anticipate the kind of response I would get. Would she have me fill out a survey for customer feedback on the quality of the store? Would she give me a deal for the items I was purchasing? Would she confide in me that she, too, can’t find anything in this horribly-laid out store? Would she call her manager over to throw confetti above our heads for being brave enough to say what I had actually experienced? Would she deem me best-EVER customer of the month?

Her grand response:


as she went on duly scanning my purchases.

I finally found the light bulb in my head—cashiers don’t care how your shopping experience went.

But, hey, even though I had a rough time finding items, I had confidence that at the end of my shopping experience, cashiers are ALWAYS checking me out...and they don't even care if I have Cheetos and Doritos under each arm...or that I'm missing a light bulb.


  1. I only drink Diet Coke. But I guess I can get some root beer for you.... if I can find it :)

  2. Do you prefer the new fangled eco bulbs or the old fashioned use 'em and leave 'em type?

  3. You be funny lady :) That was a great post!

  4. On my way with the root beer! Can I bring soda too? Or perhaps some cookies?

  5. Fun post!

    And hamster the size of a rhino for sure, but I'd settle for a capybara. I've always wanted a pet capybara.

  6. i've enjoyed it thoroughly n i m enjoying ur blog evn more! loved those quotes, must say ur granma is vry cool!

    psssst...*new follower*

  7. Um, root beer hard to get over on this side of the pond, have no idea what that pizza is....lightbulbs can do ;)


  8. great read, thanks for the link

  9. lool.. headin over there right now!!

  10. Grocery shopping... the bane of my existence! Well, one of them anyway ;-) I am a new follower of your fun blog!

  11. Found you on the pet blogger hop. And um, not to be stalker-ish or anything, but me and my two dwarf dogs are gonna be following you around for a bit, kay? Oh and this:"(After eating Fire Cheetos & then using the bathroom) Kid From Class: My butt is burning! My butt's on fire!" made me snort *and* pee.

  12. A trip to Africa is on my to do list too. I've done skydiving and SCUBA, and I definitely recommend them. If you can, pay the extra to have pictures/video taken while you're skydiving...pictures are definitely worth it, especially if your tandem buddy is cute. Just stopping by from Follow Us Monday Morning. Cheers!


Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.


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