I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Good Listener

A good listener is someone you can talk to because they are actually listening to what you are saying. Supposedly, "good listeners" give auditory feedback to let you know they're listening, but with Belinda, I don't even have to worry that I'm not receiving the auditory feedback. If I'm in the middle of talking, I'm not listening for her Mmm-hmms, I sees, or Yeah, I understands...because I can plainly see from her face that she is, in fact, listening.

I mean, if I tell her my infamous Michael Jackson joke, I'm sensing the shock she's feeling--based on her facial expresion. (And, yeah, I would prefer a shocked reaction over no reaction...)

If I told her that the song isn't really called Like a Cheese Stick, she's displaying the surprised look. Thank goodness there's one other person out there, besides me, who thought that's what the lyrics really were! Otherwise, I would've felt like an idiot...

If I told her that my grandma got a high rating on HotorNot.com, once again, I'm getting the expression of unbelievable...but honestly, I don't know why she would find it unbelievable that my grandma got a high rating. I mean, it's pretty obvious Gram's a "looker."

If I told her that The Office plans to continue without Steve Carrell, I would get the impression that she's completely stunned (like the rest of us).

But what really wins me over is when I talk to Belinda about guys (or lack thereof). I can say, "Yeah, I haven't been asked out on a date in eight years," and she has an expression written all over her face that gives me a boost of self-confidence--she looks astounded. And really, that makes me feel good. It lets me know that even she can't believe I haven't been asked out and she too, is thinking, What's wrong with these guys? I can even say to her, "Oh, I don't think he likes me like that," and she'll look just as surprised. She doesn't need to say, "Shannon, you're wrong, he really does like you like that," because I can just read her face and it tells me more than any words ever could.

And this, my friends, is why I like talking to Belinda...because she always looks so interested and surprised at what I have to say.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Suga Moma

I was just perusing through some old emails, reminiscing on good (and bad) times. My email is like a treasure trove of Shannon-ness. No, really. I've had the same email address since I was, like, 13, so just by browsing, you can easily see how I've grown in maturity (but not in height) within the past twelve years. Nah, not really. Anyways, as I was scrolling through the past decade of my life, I found an old email of a text conversation that I had with a random stranger. Apparently people mistakenly text me a lot? And apparently I like to act like I know these people who mistakenly text me? And apparently I like to save these weird little conversations that I have with strangers? Yes, yes, and uh-huuuuh. They (*cough, cough* meaning my parents) don't call me Shenanigans for nothin'.

August 2007:

Strange Number: How is jr. high so far? whats your favorite class? -aunt michl

Me: PE cuz I like all the eye candy

SN: ben!!! :)

Me: ssshhh, dont tell my parents...

SN: dont worry! its our secret!

Me: thanks youre da best! did i tell u i have a gf?

SN: no...is she cute? whats her name?

Me: yah i wouldnt date someone whos uuuugly...her name is ashley but were not official yet. we only been out once.

SN: blond? brown? black hair? long or short? eye color? maybe you should send a pic

Me: shes my suga moma

(attached was this picture):

Welp, I never heard from Aunt Michl again. I guess she thought Ben's girlfriend had flunked 8th grade one too many times...

Don't worry, Grandma, you're still hot! Just ask your friends on Hotornot! And your Hotornot friends wouldn't even care if, or how many times you've flunked 8th grade...because they think you're tasty just like that corndog you're eating. Mmm-hmm.

Sidenote: I got this approved by Grams before posting it. I told her that she was a "sugar mama," to which she replied, "Yeah, I am." Haha. Love you, Grandma!

Monday, January 17, 2011

Strictly and Confidential

The title of this post is the subject of an email I recently received. Now, I hardly ever receive scams via email, but this one kind of made my day because of just how far-fetched it was. I decided to take advantage of this fact and write back a fun little email to the scammer. Please don't believe everything written by him...or me. The words in bold are my thoughts. Enjoy:

The email I received:

Monday, January 17, 2011 8:24 AM
From: "mr arwan ibrahim"
To: undisclosed-recipients


Dear Friend

I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise as we never met before. I am Mr. IBRAHIM ARWAN, the manager of Auditing and Accounting section of Bank Of Africa (B.O.A) Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I Hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that I am about to repose on you for the mutual benefit of our both families. I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand united state dollars ($15.5mUSD) Immediately to your account.

The fund has been dormant (in-active) for 10 years in our Bank here without any body coming for it. I want to release the fund to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer Mr. Andreas Schranner (the owner of the account) who died a long with his supposed next of kin in air crash since on 31st July 2000. I don't want the fund to go into our Bank treasury as an abandoned fund, so this is the reason why I contacted you, so that my Bank will release the fund to you as the nearest person to the deceased customer.

Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interested (Why? So I don't turn you in to Dateline and have them catch you and charge you with illegally ripping innocent people out of their hard-earned money? No, I don't think so. If you thought I was going to delete this, "Arwan", you were wrong. Instead I'll share this with the blog world. So there.). Upon receipt of your reply, I will give you more details regarding this transaction and also note that you will have 40% of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business. And also after the funds has been transfered into your bank account you will take 10% out as a compensation for the expenses you will make in this transaction and 50% is for me. I need to hear from you urgent so that I will give you more information regarding this transaction.

Your Full Name.......................... .?
Your Sex........................... ......?
Your Age........................... ......?
Your Country....................... ......?
Marital Status........................ ...?
Your Occupation.................... ......?
Your Personal Mobile N°...................?
Your Personal Fax N°......................?

Waiting for your urgent response so that we will starts immediately.

Best Regards,
(Isn't it funny that his sender name from his email was Arwan Ibrahim, but now when he's signing, his first name is Ibrahim and his last name is Arwan?)

The email I wrote:

Monday, January 17, 2011 2:27 PM
From: Sally
To: mrarwanibrahim@gmail.com (Feel free to write this guy if you want the millions of dollars. Tell him "Sally" sent you.)

Dear mr arwan ibrahim

Wow, what a fantastic surprise!!!!!!!!!! I never thought in a million years that I could have the sum of Fifteen Million Five Hundred Thousand united state dollars ($15.5mUSD) in my account!!!! I will gladly give you my info. over the internet (which may come as a surprise to you since we have never met before)...

Your Full Name..........................Sally. That's S-a-l-l-y

Your Sex........................... ......No, never

Your Age........................... ......Are you really asking a woman her age? I don't know about in Africa, but here it's frowned upon :(

Your Country...................... ......Mainly only Carrie Underwood, Martina McBride, and Shania Twain

Marital Status........................ ..In Facebook's terms, "it's complicated"

Your Occupation.................... ....Wonder Woman's double

Your Personal Mobile N°...................I don't have one...but with this new $15 million+ I will finally be able to have one of my very own and not have to borrow someone's. Isn't that just so embarrassing when you've been waiting for your ride to come pick you up and you've been waiting for what seems forever (20 mins.) that you just want to call your ride to find out where they are, but you can't since you don't have a cell?! So, then you have to go up to a random stranger and ask to borrow their phone so that you can call and ask your ride where the heck they are and that you're freezing your butt off waiting in the snow for them? Does it even snow in Africa???? You know where I've always wanted to go?? AFRICA...on a safari!!! You have the best animals there. And I'm thinking now that I'm going to be rich, I can finally make this trip happen and scratch if off my bucket list!! Have you ever seen the movie Bucket List? I have. It was okay. I liked Jack Nicholson better in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest...and the book's even better than the movie. Then, on the other hand, I liked The Shining movie better than the book. I don't know why, but I like "scary" movies, ha, even though 86% of the time they're not even scary. I was kind of disappointed in the book The Shining--too much cussing for my taste. So, do you know what I did? I actually (haha, don't tell anyone) crossed/scribbled out all the F-words in that book, because, hey, I don't cuss and neither should Jack Nicholson's character--it's not very nice. Did you know that I used to think if you said "I swear..." then you were cussing? Of course, I was a little kid when I thought that. Haha, I was a cute little kid. Oh, wait, I think I've been blabbing. But can you blame me? I'm freakin' gonna be rich!!!!! Soooooooooooooo excited. :) :) :) :) :) :)

Your Personal Fax N°......................If I don't even have a personal mobile number, what makes you think I would have my own personal fax number?! Silly goose.

Now I'm waiting for YOUR urgent response.

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it.
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.
Ooooohhhh yeaaaaaaahhhhh.

Take care, friend.

PS: Besides going to Africa, I'm also going to donate at least $2 million to orphanages. I love kids. I think they should be treated with respect and have the best things that money can buy. Of course, I can't give them a good life like Brangelina, but now with this money, I probably finally can. I think Asian and black babies are cute. That's not to say that white babies aren't, though. Well, fine, I just think all babies are cute...well, some are ugly, but, ha, what are you supposed to tell their moms? "Hey, uh, your baby's not as adorable as you think"? Or "Yeah, I don't find your baby remotely attractive to my eyes"? Or "Your baby could win a dog show"? Or "If it's cute to you, then I should probably think it's cute also because that's the nice thing to do"? People don't actually say those things but that's what they're thinking when they see ugly babies. I know that's what I think. I think it but I don't say it...which is the socially acceptable way here. I don't know, maybe Africa is different. Maybe you say whatever's on your mind, like asking a woman her age. Tsk. Tsk. But I think kids in orphanages deserve the chance to be cute, or have at least someone think they're semi-attractive, so that's why I'd donate money to them...to buy them cute new clothes. Or, if needed, a nose job.

To see Sally's reply to yet another man who wants to give her money, click here. Or here.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Would Ya Just Look at This?

Okaaaaay, so I haven't felt like writing. Still don't. But, I discovered something last night that had me cracking up into the wee hours of the morning and I wanted to share it with everyone. This guy that I discovered on YouTube had me laughing so hard that my stomach was hurting (I NEVER browse YouTube, but last night was a different story). Man, I can't remember the last time I laughed like that...oh yeah I can--last Saturday when playing Loaded Questions and S noticed a rather small object under my chair...anyways, would ya just look at this?:

Oh my gosh. It's my favorite. Ever.

EdBassMaster plays a bunch of different characters and does pranks to random people on the streets/over the phone/via drive-thru. Check out Ed BassMaster's YouTube channel (he may very well be my new hero).

And remember: You gotta look at it this way, okay, you just gotta look at it. That's all you can do anymore.


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