I Smile Grimace at Style

Making its appearance fashionably late is...

Ha. Me? Stylish? I think you got the wrong person, Syida. I'm assuming you didn't see my last post about my hatred for shopping (yes, this includes clothes shopping). But I'll accept the award, anyway. Thank you.

You know who totally deserves this award is my cat, Kudos. She craves this kind of attention. She lives for style. She loves playing dress-up (well, not that she has a choice...). It just makes her feel purrty.

Kudos graciously accepts her award.

Will you accept?

Katie
Betsy
Kelly
Kathryn
Patti
Jillsmo
TV
Kirsten
Tattytiara

If you so choose to accept this award, there are rules that come along with it (because nothing worth having comes easy):

1) Thank with all your heart and link back to the blogger that generously awarded this to you
2) Share with the whole Internet world 7 random facts about yourself
3) Award some great bloggers

I GUESS I better start telling you about myself before this award is swept away from me right under my nose. Here goes:

My Facts

1. Do you know how a completely otherwise delicious cookie or brownie can be ruined? Just add nuts.
2. I am against dressing your dog or cat up in human-like outfits. Unless it's Halloween or something, then it's completely normal...
3. I contradict myself.
4. My ringtone for phone calls is currently "The Breakfast Machine" song from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. For texts, it's the Seinfeld theme song.
5. I was with my family vacationing in New York City--even stayed in a hotel within the Twin Towers--two weeks before September 11. Two weeks!
6. San Francisco is my favorite city. I'll probably end up writing a post about all the reasons why I love SF, so I won't explain here.
7. My "favorite" number is 13.

Well, I think I've overstayed my welcome with this particular award, so I'm making my fashionable exit (uh, you totally didn't just see me trip right then...).

Be My Guest, Put My Service to the Test...

I just did something I've never done before.

Nope, skydiving is still on the list of things to do. Along with SCUBA diving. Aaaaand going to Africa. Aaaaaand becoming a renowned photographer for National Geographic.

But I am glad that I am now able to say that I have been a guest blogger. Yep. Let's get this par-tay started, shall we?

Uh, you'll need to head on over to Lauren's awesome blog to read some funny/humorous stories (and mine, if you want). And before you're gettin' jiggy wit it at THAT party, don't forget to pick up some root beer, Freschetta pepperoni pizza, and light bulbs on your way over.

Update: I have since decided to have the guest post I wrote for Lauren on my blog as well. Here it is:

I consider myself to be a pretty honest person.

Mom: Shannon, do you want to do these dishes?

Me: No.

Friend: Shannon, I’d like for you to meet Billy. He’s from California too. Isn’t that cool?

Me: Uh, it’s all right.

Stranger: Hi, how are you?

Me: Sad. My cat’s on her deathbed and I had to take her to the vet. I touched her paw to see if I could get a reaction from her, but she just sat there and purred. Usually she’ll bite my hand to pieces. I’m so worried!

But there is one area in life that I suck at telling the truth: while shopping.

“Did you find everything okay?” asks every bright-eyed cashier as I’m checking out.

“Yeah,” I eagerly say to the person who’s ha ndling my macaroni and cheese and my mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I’ll admit it: 78% of the time, my answer to this simple question is untrue. I am guilty. I am bad.

No, I did not find everything okay.

To me, shopping should be like this:

1. Have your shopping list and pen in hand
2. Scribble each item off into oblivion once fo
   und
3. Place found item in cart (or, as southerners say, buggy—as if you need to cradle your precious Cheetos)
4. On to the next item on the list

***No need to lollygag through the aisles looking at products that “You MUST Have!!!”:

Self-explanatory

Ever wanted to be a kangaroo? Now is your chance!

Anything Twilight

But if a situation presents itself to me where I can’t find the light bulb on my list that I so desperately need, I’m frustrated. I’m impatient. I’m not one to “window shop.”

I don’t like having to make my short legs unnecessarily walk up and down every aisle three times only to continuously be confronted with this:

Food, you're supposed to be my friend! You're supposed to give me comfort when I'm feeling down. You're not supposed to reinforce my feeling of stupidity for not being able to find a light bulb. Jerk.

And, better yet, there are no employees on the floor to ask where the light bulbs are located. So you have to go all the way up to customer service, ask where the light bulbs are, only to be directed in the same location where you were looking for the past ten minutes.

Be prepared to walk up and down each aisle at least three times.

So, a few weeks ago, I found myself once again in this situation: “Did you find everything okay?”

The moment of truth finally came.

Do I tell the truth and nothing but the truth? The answer I give can make or break my integrity…or do I give the answer that the cashier is expecting?

After debating in my head whether or not to tell the cashier if I did actually find everything okay, I came to a conclusion.

I would tell the truth.

“No, not really.”

Feeling victorious in the battle that took place in my mind, I felt a sense of freedom. Feeling confident in knowing that what I said was right, I could only anticipate the kind of response I would get. Would she have me fill out a survey for customer feedback on the quality of the store? Would she give me a deal for the items I was purchasing? Would she confide in me that she, too, can’t find anything in this horribly-laid out store? Would she call her manager over to throw confetti above our heads for being brave enough to say what I had actually experienced? Would she deem me best-EVER customer of the month?

Her grand response:

"Oh,”

as she went on duly scanning my purchases.

I finally found the light bulb in my head—cashiers don’t care how your shopping experience went.

But, hey, even though I had a rough time finding items, I had confidence that at the end of my shopping experience, cashiers are ALWAYS checking me out...and they don't even care if I have Cheetos and Doritos under each arm...or that I'm missing a light bulb.