I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Art is Dead

What? You don't believe me? I don't lie. My grandma found him on the sink. She thought his lifeless body was a rock. A pet rock, I guess. When she picked him up and brought him closer to her eyes is when she realized that she was holding yet another one of my fish who had jumped to its demise.

Rest in Peace the Sewer,

Art

A baby's tombstone I discovered in Vallejo, CA

Since I started blogging in August, I've had the grand total of, uh, 4 fish dying:

-7 (named from a Seinfeld episode)
-Soda (named from a Seinfeld episode)
-Omega (he was a Betta fish. Get it?)
-Art (named from a Seinfeld episode)

Well, there aren't very many fish left in the sea bowl now. All I have left is Vandelay (named from a Seinfeld episode), who is nothing without his other half, Art (shh, don't tell him I said that). Art and Vandelay were a team. There just went together. They were like peanut butter and jelly, like salt and pepper, like yogurt and Cheez-its. Vandelay is going to miss Art. I think.

Art's Obituary Oh, Fishy Airy Ofishiary

Art, for the love of Cod, why'd you have to clam up? You should've cried for kelp. Dropped me a line. I could've tried not to be crabby, and would've been touchy-eely to your feelings. Oh, who am I kidding? I would've given you a bass-whooping. That must've been why you acted all koi, as if you were having a whale of time. Why were you hooked on acting fishy? I shouldn't have fallen for this bait, you little shellfish shrimp.

Art, you were named after one of the most notorious non-existent TV characters of all time: Art Vandelay. And now I'm disappointed that you've gone off the air, much like Seinfeld. Now you're exported, like Art Vandelay.

Tuna in soon for the next obituary.
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29 comments:

  1. tattytiaraApril 13, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    Oh you're all wet.

    (That was just a word of reassurance for Vandelay.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elizabeth KeeneApril 13, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    RIS, Art. Six feet under the sea...wer?

    Sorry. :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. MissyApril 13, 2011 at 7:51 PM

    Sorry to hear of his demise. What a way to learn his lesson, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownApril 13, 2011 at 8:10 PM

    Sorry for the fish. I feel too sad when my lovely cat died. It's so hard to accept the fate.

    ReplyDelete
  5. NewBootsApril 13, 2011 at 8:37 PM

    You are so "Artistic" with your fish puns. :p But seriously, I'm sorry I haven't checked you out sooner.

    ReplyDelete
  6. IxyApril 13, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    Truly.Awesome.Post. As a rabid fan of the short, stocky, slow-witted bald man, I join you in mourning the passing of Art and his fellow members of the latex import/export business of Vandelay Industries.

    And ew...your poor grandma!

    ReplyDelete
  7. DroneApril 13, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    It was always strange to me that George would go over to Jerry's and immediately use the toilet. This has little to do with the fish story other than if I recall correctly George came rushing out from the bathroom pants around his ankles in the Vandelay episode.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JennerApril 13, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    Love the Seinfeld names! Your next one should be "Maestro".

    ReplyDelete
  9. ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.comApril 13, 2011 at 10:27 PM

    Tiara, hecka funny!

    Drone, yeah, in one episode George gave the unemployment office Jerry's phone number saying that it was Vandelay Industries. So when Kramer answered the phone saying that there was no such thing as Vandelay Industries, George rushed out of the bathroom. I don't know how he could hear the conversation from within that room. Love him, though.

    Jenner, nice suggestion, but I don't think I'm going to get anymore fish. All they do is die.

    ReplyDelete
  10. kitkatApril 13, 2011 at 11:41 PM

    aww poor art :/ the least he deserves is a decent burial lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. beanditchApril 14, 2011 at 1:06 AM

    Shannon. Do you have ANY idea how much I love puns????? My goodness, I can hardly contain my love for that last paragraph.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Renee HandApril 14, 2011 at 5:02 AM

    I share your fish lament. We just lost another one. Our little guys get stuck in the oxygen filter. We even turned the power of it down to low. Oh, whoa of fish.
    Renee

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  13. ARKApril 14, 2011 at 6:37 AM

    poor fishies...they seriously jump out of the bowl?!

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  14. Cake BetchApril 14, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    Aww poor Art. I had a few fancy goldfish back in the day and when they started kicking the bucket I always felt bad. After the last one died I put the tank away... cause those things are filthy and I was tired of cleaning up after them. I did have nightmares for years that I had forgotten to feed them or all their water had evaporated.

    ReplyDelete
  15. christine doneeApril 14, 2011 at 2:32 PM

    I just found your blog.

    So happy I did.

    Art should not die in vain. You have one more follower.

    ReplyDelete
  16. DaisyApril 14, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    Art must have found the obstacles in life just too hard to scale...

    ReplyDelete
  17. ValApril 14, 2011 at 4:51 PM

    Poor Art. Maybe he was headed to one of Joe Mayo's parties. At least he didn't meet the same sink fate as The Old Man's false teeth.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Melissa: Write it in LipstickApril 14, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    Ok so I learned you like Sienfeld and that your worse at taking care of pets than I am ;) poor Art R.I.P. You were too young to go.

    ReplyDelete
  19. LaurenApril 14, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    It's funny that your fish are committing suicide by jumping out of their water. I bet they just wanted to like people and hang out outside their bowl. Or they saw Finding Nemo and were trying to get home but didn't make it to a drain.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Belly CharmsApril 14, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    LOL- I am stopping by from TGIF. We have 2 betta fish. We have one named Blue.....he is actually the 3rd blue in 2 years. I run out and replace him when one dies....the last time they noticed his empty bowl and I told him I took him to the fish hotel so I could clean it....they were 3 and 4 and totally fell for it:)

    ReplyDelete
  21. LazarusApril 14, 2011 at 10:02 PM

    Is your TV perhaps a bit too far away from the fishbowl and they're jumping out to get closer so that they can watch Seinfeld? Just a guess...

    ReplyDelete
  22. ShanimalsCrackers.blogspot.comApril 15, 2011 at 12:51 AM

    Daisy, you don't know how happy your comment made me. Good one.

    Bean, I'm glad you think this post is punny. :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. AnonymousApril 16, 2011 at 1:26 AM

    maybe ur fish are feeling tortured by the versatatility of their nomenclature!

    speaking of which I have forwarded the Versatile Blogger's award to you, n dis one's yellow. here's the post. I hope you accept it.

    ReplyDelete
  24. doreenApril 16, 2011 at 11:05 PM

    What crazy fish! I already follow so I am just stopping by to say hello. Hope you are having a great weekend:)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Katherines CornerApril 17, 2011 at 6:28 AM

    so terribly sorry for your loss....giggle. We had three huge gold fish that lived for five years. then one by one over a period of about a month they all became floaters. None hopped out of the tank though. Perhaps yours live to be free or die trying. :-)
    Big Hugs! P.S. great new giveaway at my place today hope you'll stop by.

    ReplyDelete
  26. StephanieApril 17, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    Can you be any more PUNTASTIC?? I have this betta [named blue... because I'm a lazy fish namer] and he will float on top of the water... on his side... all of the time. He will float like that until you either tap the glass or give him food. I think he's just a lazy ass. It really did freak me out the first few times, but I'm so used to it now, one day he's really gonna die, and I'm totally not gonna believe him, haha
    Good luck on keeping them swimming. =]

    ReplyDelete
  27. UnknownApril 17, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    You truly are a dedicated Seinfeld fin..or fan? to name your fish after Seinfeld characters.

    That was one of the funniest moments in Seinfeld when George came running out of the bathroom.

    ReplyDelete
  28. raisingmarshmallowsApril 17, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    You have suicidal fish while I have fish that play dead and hang on forever!

    Nikki

    ReplyDelete
  29. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 17, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    Sorry Art's dead, but you have such a cute way of expressing it, "for the love of Cod." May Tuna live on and on.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.

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