I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Fartin' Margaret

You’re back in eighth grade and your mom makes you sign up for Spanish so that you can be prepared to take Spanish I/Spanish II in high school, complete your foreign language requirement, and move on with your life. When I was in high school, I was the top student in my Spanish classes. Languages came naturally to me. But unlike his super talented foreign-language-learner sister, my brother despised Spanish. In fact, the only phrase he remembers years later from his invaluable Spanish classes is “callate la boca.” Also known as “shut your mouth.” I’m guessing he has heard this phrase one too many times.
There my brother is sitting in his eighth grade Espanol class, learning about flan and how people eat this nasty excuse for a dessert in Spanish cultures. Only 2 minutes ‘til the bell rings, yet time seems to be standing still.
“Flan doesn’t only come in vanilla.”
Tick tock.
“There is also chocolate flavored flan.”
Tick tooooooooooooooock.
“Personally, my favorite is vanilla, though. The texture of it is kind of like a custardy Jell-O. Hey, in fact, I think Jell-O has an instant mix of flan that even comes with caramel sauce!”
Tick toooooooooooooooooooooooooooock.
“I encourage you all to go home tonight and beg your mom to make you flan for dessert. Have her drop what she’s doing, have her go to the store, and buy instant flan mix. But…don’t tell her I told you to say that. Tell her that your education is very important to you and that if you try it you’ll get extra credit. TWO points extra credit!! Also, don’t forget, but your paragraph about your family is due tomorrow. Use your best Spanish.”
Brrrrrrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnng!
“Don’t forget, but you also need to include a drawing of your family!”
--------------------------------------------------------------
Here’s a drawing not dissimilar to what my brother turned in:

A few days after turning in his masterpiece, the flan-loving teacher asked to speak to my brother after class.
She probably just wants to congratulate me on how life-like my drawing looks. Or, worse, what if she found out I don't really have a dog?? Dang it, I should have said I have a pot-belly pig, that would've been more believable!
“El Niño, I have a question about your project. In your About My Family paragraph, it says here, ‘Fartin’ Margaret is mi perro. Ella es fea y vieja. Ella no stop yapping. Ella is smelly a tambien. We want to put her down.’”
I bet she’s wondering whether I’m having a hard time at home because I have to put my “ugly and old” dog down. That’s gotta be--she's probably a very sensitive person and wants to know how she can help--what else could it be?
“Now, son, did you know that my first name is Margaret?”
“Uh…no…wow, hmm...what a coincidence."
Yes, but I didn't think YOU'D know the dog was a symbolism for you.
“Here’s your hall pass. The principal’s expecting you.”
True story. My brother hated Spanish and his teacher so he decided to bring the passive-aggressive approach into his homework. Yes, he turned in a picture of a hecka (we Californians use this word sometimes) ugly dog, named it Fartin’ Margaret (after her), and handed it in as part of his “Mi Familia” project, not thinking that she would notice the subtle attack. I guess he was probably thinking she would react in a fashion where she would be overjoyed to know that one of her student’s dogs shared the same name as her. I don’t know. All I know is that my brother is witty. So, if you want to pass your eighth grade Spanish class, you can add an imaginary dog/pig/cow/rat/whatever to your family. Just make sure its name is Loveable Margaret—NOT Fartin’ Margaret. You don’t want to get into a stinky situation.

42 comments:

  1. I think I made flan by accident in spanish, it was supposed to be guaccomole.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We said callate la boca at my former job all the time to each other. Once I said it to one of my newer co-workers, and she SWORE it meant "Suck my dick" I don't know if she was really good at kidding, but it surprised me up enough to never say it again. I love that your brother got busted!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That was hilarious! I barely passed spanish 1 in high school even though I took it as a second grader for GATE (but never used it again so I forgot) and then failed spanish 2. Then in college last semester obviously nothing stuck even after ALL that and my teacher ALSO hated me like your brother so he passed me with a 60% which is a failing grade in college as you know. Bummer for us both I guess. Funny post though, I thought it was funny with the flan and then it just got funnier. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hecka funny! (Don't worry, I'm Californian too, it's ok)

    Oh, and I love flan.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah, I never understood the big deal about flan. I find it pretty tasteless. This is a funny story and amusing artwork.

    Hey, your blog following has grown hecka (I'm a Californian too) fast. Unbelievable. Weren't you at 16 last week, and you're at 100?! (That took me over a year.) Whoosh! Congratulations! I knew you'd shake up the blogosphere.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  6. I took Japanese in high school. Don't ask me anything about it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well, I went to a Christian boarding school. We had a new teacher, who told the dean of men that he was going to refer to him as "father" since he was SUCH a good example to the boys.

    The dean of men proceeded to preach a sermon on how great his service was and how he had earned the title. "Pendejo"

    Yeah. That was funny.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I thought I was the only one who didn't like flan! That stuff is nasty.
    That drawing is hilarious! Too bad he got busted.
    I came over from the hop!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love it!
    (Thanks for the follow. Following you back.)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Too funny! What a great story!

    I'm a new follower =)

    Sandie lee

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have to tell you, "Fartin' Margaret" might be my favourite blog entry title anywhere let alone my favourite dog name, this year. I just love it.

    I also love flan. Sue me.

    And tres leches cake. I love me some tres leches cake. Although, I don't want to think about where those three milks come from (cows, goats and lactating humans maybe)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, nothing like family...they get you and you get them.

    Nice to meet you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Omg, that post was so lame I slept half way through. HAHAHA. xD jk, man. It is HILARIOUS.
    x

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi! I'm a new follower of your lovely blog.
    Have a nice day!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Giggle, fun post, hopping over to say good morning. Hugs! Katherine

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am in a Spanish class now, and I love it. I must remember the callate la boca.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Love the Stick drawings!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi! I'm following you on Sunday Strolling blog hop. :) That drawing is soooo funny!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ur moms dress says i love doing bills lol thats funny!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Seriously funny! And yummmmmm, Flan... Drools* I found you on the Monday Blog hop, happy to be here! Have a great week :)

    -Marci
    http://www.Balancingstilettosandscrubs.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. I laughed out loud at the "did you know my name was margaret" ... so great.

    thanks for the follow btw. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Funny, funny, funny- you made me laugh!

    I found you on the blog hop and am now following, please feel free to drop over to our blog too!

    http://beourbest.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  23. I took German as the second foreign language but I like studying Spanish better.
    Thanks for visiting my blog and following. Appreciate it.
    Yoshi from Japan

    ReplyDelete
  24. That is a hysterical story (and beautiful drawing, may I add)!
    I'm your newest follower from the hop! Stop on by...
    www.random-utterances.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. I dread the day My son makes it into the 8th grade! Stopping by to follow you from a hop today. Looking forward to reading more. *Amanda

    himmeweethree.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  26. Firstly, I love love love your blog header. Also, thanks fore the laugh...I needed it.
    I am your newest follower from the Monday Blog Hop.

    http://ohmommymoon.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thank you, guys, for reading this post. Also, I would just like to thank all of you new followers. You're cool!

    ReplyDelete
  28. your drawing look so simple. but nice.
    I love it :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. BOYS!! Btw, I love flan.

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I love new followers, and now I'm following you!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Found you through the blog hop.

    This story is hilarious and it reminds me of my hellish Spanish experience from junior high through high school. Not because the language was bad, but I always had a nutjob for a teacher! I should have named my smelly dog after them.

    I do like your blog and I'm your newest follower.
    Please stop by my place sometime!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Yo quiero flan! ::purrrrrrrreo::

    ReplyDelete
  32. Funny, funny, irreverent, funny post! Made me laugh! I like to check out the blogs Pearl has listed, and found you there. You have a naughty brother. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Flan is evil, and the devil...and we loath it. My ex boyfriend was determined that I would love flan. No wonder we never worked out.

    ReplyDelete
  34. omg that is hilarious! When I was in high school some girls told japanese foreign exchange student to go up the our teacher (who wasn't very nice at all) and tell her something nasty (F@#$ ur mom or something like that) and ask what it meant. Yeah, the principal got a visit that day.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I would like to swim in a pool of flan and have my spanish teacher in there with me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Laughed my butt off. I am not going to let my daughter see this post because it will give her ideas. Although I have met her teacher so I'm thinking......

    ReplyDelete
  37. Love this post!!!!! Thank you for starting my day with giggles. Happy Friday Hugs! P.S. have you made it over to my new location?

    ReplyDelete
  38. what is it with high school Spanish and flan?? we did a lot of fun cooking as well in our class. your brother is funny :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. That's pretty funny. I'm not Spanishly-inclined either, so I can definitely empathize with your brother.

    ReplyDelete
  40. A great picture. I save all the pictures my grands draw. I'm a new follower. Doylene

    ReplyDelete
  41. What a friggin awesome story. I love the "purreo" personally. Fartin Margaret just has a nice ring to it, no? Well done, Brother!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...