The Sock and Shoe Bandits

Yesterday there was a cougar warning in our neck of the woods (and no, U of U, I don't mean the BYU Cougars, although you better watch out!...Confession: I don't watch sports. I'm supposed to be supporting my college, right?). Yep, a mountain lion was spotted at the park a couple of blocks away from my house. But forget the cougar. There is something else on the loose that is even more ferocious...to apparel.

My cat.

My cat is a sort of vicious killer--she likes to play "cat and mouse" with her prey before actually killing it. Who would've thought? Last night she had apparently been out hunting in the woods and being so generous as she is, decided to surprise me with a dead mouse left right outside the front door. Aww, how cute. And I must admit that she's pretty talented considering she doesn't even have front claws. It is true what Robert De Niro says in "Meet the Parents": Cats make you work for their affection. They don't sell out like dogs do. So, either my cat loves me because she's bringing me "gifts" or in reality she's actually plotting my death.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather Sassy not bring me dead mice. I'd actually prefer to be brought shoes, underwear, or socks. Oh wait, that's what my other cats carry around the house. Call them lazy...or slow (in the head)...but these other two cats will only "hunt" clothing items--hmm, they must be girls who love a true shopping spree. It has pretty much become a ritual now, because every single night, I repeat, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, Kudos will go into the master bedroom and drag at least one of the slipper socks (shown at left) into my gram's room. But, the best part is when Kudos makes her hunting cry...it sounds like she's in pain, yet she cries like this the whole time she is dragging the cotton carcus. She truly believes she has caught something and is the proud killer of this sock-shoe thing.

Truffles, the smarter cat, makes a hunting cry as well. Except, she's not dragging around a sock...she's actually upgraded to shoes. I must admit that it's pretty annoying when you're running late and go to put your flip flops on, only to discover that they're two rooms over, like under the kitchen table. Or in the center of the family room. Or in the office. Silly kitty. Why do you think they're carrying around shoes? Are they inadvertently telling us that our feet smell and we need to cover them up?

But wait...that can't be true. Because...Kudos will go through partially opened drawers pulling out underwear. What is she trying to say with this action? I don't know. But I will tell you one thing that I know will never happen, even though it'd probably be a humorous situation: What if you were home alone with your boyfriend? And you're just, like, upstairs chilling, watching a movie or something. But then...your parents come home to discover underwear, socks, shoes all over the floors knowing that you said Johnny was coming over that afternoon. The looks on your parents' faces would be a Kodak Moment, all thanks to your cats named Truffles and Kudos (intimidating names), also known as the Shoe and Sock Bandits.

So, mountain lion, I know you’re perfectly capable of taking down a small human and stuff (which would be sad), but I’m more scared of running late and not being able to find shoes to wear. That would be horrible.