I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Morning After


What did I DO last night?

My memory has once again failed me the morning after. Not to my surprise, once again, I have left a trail of evidence for myself to discover the following morning.

Laptop history from last night says I tried joining a dating website under the username IAmNOTAllergicToYou. Oh boy. La-di-da-di-da. I'll just delete the profile and then this little five hour "phase" in my life has been erased. There, much better.

Wait, what's this? I've uncovered yet another "secret" gem: YouTube reveals my brother, his fiance, and I made a karaoke video wherein I'm the star of the remake to "I'm Too Sexy."

I'm scared to search further.

"Shannon, you're super funny when you're like that," my brother reveals to me as I make my public appearance for the day, "you need to be like that every night."

I cringe inside that my impaired judgment could have led my body to participate in such activities. Gosh. It's at this moment that I've made yet another grim discovery. Not only was I cringing on the inside. I was cringing on the outside, as well. A bruise shines brightly on my arm, from bumping into walls from last night's stagger.

I check my phone to further investigate last night's escapade and discover that I made a phone call at 12:30 in the morning. Who knows what the crap I said? Oh, that's right, the owner of the voicemail does. I hope I didn't say anything too revealing or embarrassing, but being under this substance kind of warps your mind. 

Now this is getting interesting.

"Do you still find that one joke funny?" My brother asks, "because you couldn't stop laughing at it last night?"

"What joke?"

"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."

Oh, dear. I'm in worse shape than I thought.

"Or, how about this one: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?" He's just teasing me now.


"To get to the bottom!" He says with a grin.

No. Now I'm in worse shape than I thought.

Trying to get away from real-life, I step into my grandma's room. She's pretty entertaining. Maybe she can lead my mind away from my last night's behaviors.

"Hi, Shannon. Did you have a good night last night?" She asks with enthusiasm.

"Yeah...I slept well."

"Good. Because I have plenty more where that came from--let me know if you want anymore. I want to give some to your mom, but she won't take it. You should talk her into using it."

"Okay," I lied.

The Seinfeld theme song goes off. I've received a text. No, wait, my phone's just reminding me that I have unread texts.

"I'm glad you didn't drive here last night in that state of mind," my friend had lovingly texted me.
Surely my judgment was impaired--but to want to drive somewhere under that condition, go out in public like that. I couldn't be more ashamed of myself...

...when I'm on Ambien.


  1. Haha, wow! Your posts are always so funny and sweet. They make my day. =]

    Sleep well.

  2. Bahahaha. Grandma is hilarious. You're hilarious. I need me some of those pills.

  3. IAmNOTAllergicToYou ahaha hilarious! You must have had one hell of a hangover after all those shannanagans (that's not spelt right, but i'm not a dictionary so don't judge :p).

    P.S. How cool is your Gran with her supply of legal highs? Legend!

  4. New follower from blog hop. Sounds like you had a good time, even if you can't remember LOL. check out my blog at sometimesuwin.blogspot.com

  5. Dang, you party hard! LOL! Had fun reading your post. Have a great day!

  6. Love the horse joke. You need the right delivery for it. FYI...I'd had to look at my history.

  7. Hello! Visiting from Mingle Monday! I love your blog, so funny! I've already told the gay horse joke like 3 times around my office - so thanks!

    check me out at www.poodleism.com

  8. stopping by from mingle monday!!

    what a funny story..you gotta be careful with those OTCs!

  9. Too freakin' funny! And I am imagining the karaoke "I'm Too Sexy"... :)

  10. Crickey, I think I might have this to look forward to when I re-enter the world of alcohol on Friday. I shall remember to hide my phone first though!

  11. That post was hilarious....and if you don't mind I am totally going to steal your jokes and try them out on my friends haha!!!

  12. hahahaha! u musta been super wasted!!,lol. And the dating profile username..EPIC!! :p

  13. you're a wild girl - lol

  14. I joined an online dating site once. It was good for my self-esteem until I met one of the dudes in real life and felt ridiculous and canceled my membership the next day. Lasted about two weeks. Glad that never went any further.

  15. LOL!!! Love the funny post!

    Have a nice day!

  16. Dating sites hate me! I guess I just never knew the right things to say to land a man on there! lol

  17. u r really funny wen u r drunk as hell n evn funnier wen u r sober :P

  18. Thanks, you guys. Please note: No, my "I'm Too Sexy" video is no longer on YouTube. Took that down right away. Along with the dating profile. And anything else I may have posted--well, except this, so please don't go searching YouTube for the video. Well, you can do as you please, heck, you might even find funny videos on there!

    Nabo, thank you (I think) but I wasn't drunk. I was on a sleeping pill. Big difference...I think.

  19. Oh no, you didn't. You didn't take it down, that is. I'd love to hear the responses you'd from men who thought you weren't allergic to them. Shan, think of all the guys who got excited reading your username.

  20. Ha! Too funny. This sounds like an Ambien fueled story...

    Stopping by from Mingle Monday!

  21. Hahaha! Very funny story! Gay horses? No allergies to men? What a riot.

    Following you from FMBT!


  22. Oh god....that's AWFUL.

    Once after I had same day surgery, I began texting my friends while I was still on my pain meds. Some of them still won't tell me what I said....I'm not sure I want to know. Next time, make sure everything is locked up and away from you. ;)

  23. Hey now, sleeping pills can be dangerous things!

    This post was awesome!

  24. LMBO! Very funny story ;) You have such a fun blog!

    Folowing you from the blog hop.

  25. I laughed at the gay horse joke. I'll probably laugh at it tomorrow.

  26. Hahaha. Drunk texting, anyone?


  27. Hahaha, oh dear! Very funny story - hope you're feeling somewhat revived and less redfaced!

  28. Haha! Your story was hilarious, and I love your writing style... and the big reveal. I can honestly say I've never had that experience with OTC drugs, but it sounds crazy, :).

    From FTLOB! And a new follower (because you're awe-to-the-some!)

  29. This post has put a smile on my face, and I can't wait to tell my daughter the joke about the toilet paper rolling down the hill!!!

    CJ xx

  30. That's so funny and I've totally been there only a million times worse.

  31. I definitely would have LOVED to see that YouTube video! Lol


  32. What an experienced you just had! The hardest part is when people laugh and never forget.. and you can't even remember a thing! :) Funny post! But I hope it never happens again haha!

    Followed you by the way via the blog hoP! :)

  33. Hahahaha. Well I laughed at the gay horse joke too! :) Ah this entry cheered me up!

  34. A SLEEPING AID did that to you? I figured you had thrown back a half a bottle of spirits... good gracious woman... say "no" to drugs going forward, okay?

  35. I have a mate whose dating profile name is "YesIAMtheHotness...NoReally", which I lways loved.

    But yours comes in a close second, it must be said.

    I found you...somehow (NO idea) and consider it a very fortunate turn of events indeed.

    - B x

  36. Girlie, I LOVE your sense of humor!


  37. Holy Cow! What does aspirin do to you?


Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.


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