I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Morning After

Gulp.

What did I DO last night?

My memory has once again failed me the morning after. Not to my surprise, once again, I have left a trail of evidence for myself to discover the following morning.

Laptop history from last night says I tried joining a dating website under the username IAmNOTAllergicToYou. Oh boy. La-di-da-di-da. I'll just delete the profile and then this little five hour "phase" in my life has been erased. There, much better.

Wait, what's this? I've uncovered yet another "secret" gem: YouTube reveals my brother, his fiance, and I made a karaoke video wherein I'm the star of the remake to "I'm Too Sexy."

I'm scared to search further.

"Shannon, you're super funny when you're like that," my brother reveals to me as I make my public appearance for the day, "you need to be like that every night."

I cringe inside that my impaired judgment could have led my body to participate in such activities. Gosh. It's at this moment that I've made yet another grim discovery. Not only was I cringing on the inside. I was cringing on the outside, as well. A bruise shines brightly on my arm, from bumping into walls from last night's stagger.

I check my phone to further investigate last night's escapade and discover that I made a phone call at 12:30 in the morning. Who knows what the crap I said? Oh, that's right, the owner of the voicemail does. I hope I didn't say anything too revealing or embarrassing, but being under this substance kind of warps your mind. 

Now this is getting interesting.

"Do you still find that one joke funny?" My brother asks, "because you couldn't stop laughing at it last night?"

"What joke?"

"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."

Oh, dear. I'm in worse shape than I thought.

"Or, how about this one: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?" He's just teasing me now.

"Why?"

"To get to the bottom!" He says with a grin.

No. Now I'm in worse shape than I thought.

Trying to get away from real-life, I step into my grandma's room. She's pretty entertaining. Maybe she can lead my mind away from my last night's behaviors.

"Hi, Shannon. Did you have a good night last night?" She asks with enthusiasm.

"Yeah...I slept well."

"Good. Because I have plenty more where that came from--let me know if you want anymore. I want to give some to your mom, but she won't take it. You should talk her into using it."

"Okay," I lied.

The Seinfeld theme song goes off. I've received a text. No, wait, my phone's just reminding me that I have unread texts.

"I'm glad you didn't drive here last night in that state of mind," my friend had lovingly texted me.
Surely my judgment was impaired--but to want to drive somewhere under that condition, go out in public like that. I couldn't be more ashamed of myself...

...when I'm on Ambien.

39 comments:

  1. Haha, wow! Your posts are always so funny and sweet. They make my day. =]

    Sleep well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bahahaha. Grandma is hilarious. You're hilarious. I need me some of those pills.

    ReplyDelete
  3. IAmNOTAllergicToYou ahaha hilarious! You must have had one hell of a hangover after all those shannanagans (that's not spelt right, but i'm not a dictionary so don't judge :p).

    P.S. How cool is your Gran with her supply of legal highs? Legend!

    ReplyDelete
  4. New follower from blog hop. Sounds like you had a good time, even if you can't remember LOL. check out my blog at sometimesuwin.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dang, you party hard! LOL! Had fun reading your post. Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love the horse joke. You need the right delivery for it. FYI...I'd had to look at my history.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hello! Visiting from Mingle Monday! I love your blog, so funny! I've already told the gay horse joke like 3 times around my office - so thanks!

    check me out at www.poodleism.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. stopping by from mingle monday!!

    what a funny story..you gotta be careful with those OTCs!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Too freakin' funny! And I am imagining the karaoke "I'm Too Sexy"... :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Crickey, I think I might have this to look forward to when I re-enter the world of alcohol on Friday. I shall remember to hide my phone first though!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That post was hilarious....and if you don't mind I am totally going to steal your jokes and try them out on my friends haha!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. hahahaha! u musta been super wasted!!,lol. And the dating profile username..EPIC!! :p

    ReplyDelete
  13. you're a wild girl - lol

    ReplyDelete
  14. I joined an online dating site once. It was good for my self-esteem until I met one of the dudes in real life and felt ridiculous and canceled my membership the next day. Lasted about two weeks. Glad that never went any further.

    ReplyDelete
  15. LOL!!! Love the funny post!

    Have a nice day!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dating sites hate me! I guess I just never knew the right things to say to land a man on there! lol

    ReplyDelete
  17. u r really funny wen u r drunk as hell n evn funnier wen u r sober :P

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thanks, you guys. Please note: No, my "I'm Too Sexy" video is no longer on YouTube. Took that down right away. Along with the dating profile. And anything else I may have posted--well, except this, so please don't go searching YouTube for the video. Well, you can do as you please, heck, you might even find funny videos on there!

    Nabo, thank you (I think) but I wasn't drunk. I was on a sleeping pill. Big difference...I think.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh no, you didn't. You didn't take it down, that is. I'd love to hear the responses you'd from men who thought you weren't allergic to them. Shan, think of all the guys who got excited reading your username.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ha! Too funny. This sounds like an Ambien fueled story...

    Stopping by from Mingle Monday!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hahaha! Very funny story! Gay horses? No allergies to men? What a riot.

    Following you from FMBT!

    http://www.newjerseymemories.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh god....that's AWFUL.

    Once after I had same day surgery, I began texting my friends while I was still on my pain meds. Some of them still won't tell me what I said....I'm not sure I want to know. Next time, make sure everything is locked up and away from you. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hey now, sleeping pills can be dangerous things!

    This post was awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  24. LMBO! Very funny story ;) You have such a fun blog!

    Folowing you from the blog hop.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I laughed at the gay horse joke. I'll probably laugh at it tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hahaha. Drunk texting, anyone?

    http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hahaha, oh dear! Very funny story - hope you're feeling somewhat revived and less redfaced!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Haha! Your story was hilarious, and I love your writing style... and the big reveal. I can honestly say I've never had that experience with OTC drugs, but it sounds crazy, :).

    From FTLOB! And a new follower (because you're awe-to-the-some!)

    ReplyDelete
  29. This post has put a smile on my face, and I can't wait to tell my daughter the joke about the toilet paper rolling down the hill!!!

    CJ xx

    ReplyDelete
  30. That's so funny and I've totally been there only a million times worse.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I definitely would have LOVED to see that YouTube video! Lol

    Melissa
    http://www.loveandpancakes.com/

    ReplyDelete
  32. What an experienced you just had! The hardest part is when people laugh and never forget.. and you can't even remember a thing! :) Funny post! But I hope it never happens again haha!

    Followed you by the way via the blog hoP! :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hahahaha. Well I laughed at the gay horse joke too! :) Ah this entry cheered me up!

    ReplyDelete
  34. A SLEEPING AID did that to you? I figured you had thrown back a half a bottle of spirits... good gracious woman... say "no" to drugs going forward, okay?

    ReplyDelete
  35. I have a mate whose dating profile name is "YesIAMtheHotness...NoReally", which I lways loved.

    But yours comes in a close second, it must be said.

    I found you...somehow (NO idea) and consider it a very fortunate turn of events indeed.

    - B x

    ReplyDelete
  36. Girlie, I LOVE your sense of humor!

    ♥Jazmin

    ReplyDelete
  37. Holy Cow! What does aspirin do to you?

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...