I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Monday, February 7, 2011

(Not Cute) Pet-Peeves

1. When your and you're are used interchangeably.
Hey, your cool. Is that you're dog? I think your my new best friend. Can I be you're valentine? See, isn't that annoying?

2. Those who feel the need to name their kid something weird.
We all know about Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple. Apple????? Might as well have named your precious daughter Watermelon. There's no difference--you're kid is still a fruit. So, we've all heard of the words apple and watermelon. But what do you do when someone makes up a word and names their kid that? It's like the parents' thought process is, I have a name that, like, people have heard of. I don't like it when people can read my name and pronounce it on the first try. I want to make teachers who are calling roll butcher my child's name, so then the teacher will have to ask if she pronounced the child's name correctly, and the kid can be so used to his name being butchered that he's expecting it to be butchered, and he's proud of this fact, and the fact that he can make the teacher look stupid for saying his name incorrectly.

3. People who liked Napoleon Dynamite, or those that continue to quote it.
That movie is lame. I didn't laugh once throughout the whole thing. People told me I'd like it better if I saw it more than once. Well, guess what! I watched it about 35 times (because BYU students were obsessed with it at the time) and I still think it's horribly stupid. If you want to quote something good, I suggest watching Dumb and Dumber. I mean, compare the quotes: Vote For Pedro vs. We Got No Food, No Jobs, Our Pets' Heads Are Falling Off!

4. Skinny girls who think they're fat.
You know what I'm talking about. You walk into a room and there's, like, this 5'10" model-like girl who's pretty and gorgeous and all that junk. You scan her over and within a second you tell yourself that she can't weigh more than 105 pounds. Then, when she's offered her a saltine cracker, "Oh no, dahlin', I'm watching my figure. I've been on Weight Watchers all my life and I need to keep this weight. If I gain three pounds I would absolutely die!! That would be the end of me. In fact, I need to lose 10 more pounds--you can never lose enough, sweetie. I won't stop criticizing myself and making those around me feel uncomfortable until I look like Karen Carpenter."

5. People who are happy ALL THE TIME.
Yeah, positive people are nice to be around, but if your happy during every circumstance, every bad situation, every single little thing, I'm going to think your fake, or a robot whose button is set on Uncontrollable Optimism...or something. "Oh hey, guys, I just got a flat tire on the freeway, but it's super fantastic because I still have three good tires. I mean these other tires are practically new and they do their job so well. I really love my tires! Having three tires is just dandy because these remaining three can still keep each other company. That reminds me of Three's Company--I love that show! Hehehehe, Jack Tripper is SO funny. But, what's actually funnier is my tire blowing out on the freeway that could've gotten me killed is really a blessing because I swerved from running over the candy wrapper because I thought it was a squirrel...but it wasn't a squirrel! Anyways, I ended up running over a nail instead, but I'm so happy that I put my life and others' in danger to keep from killing an innocent little creature who was somehow lost on the freeway. I love life and even little squirrels deserve the chance to have one! And I'm glad I get to go buy a new tire because I LOVE to shop! So, actually, me getting a flat tire is giving me a reason to go out and shop for a new tire who could be the other three tires' companions. I'm ecstatic about the whole situation..."



Oh, I see you're not smiling anymore, huh? What's there not to be happy about?

22 comments:

  1. I totally agree with #4 and #5. Great list!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I LOVE your list!!!

    1. AGREE. This is a major one for me too!
    2. I mean seriously? I get that you want an un-common lame but some of them are WAY out there!
    3. I watched the movie once. It was ok. There were a couple of funny lines but it was pretty lame.
    4. I want to smash their skinny azz face. I seriously do. And when they eat 4 bites and tell me they're stuffed? Ok..whatever skinny azz witch.
    5. HAHAHA! That's funny! I am definitely NOT that person but I am also not a negative Nancy either.

    Great list! Thank you so much for linking up with me today!

    (aka Mrs. Coco)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amen to all of the above! #1 was on my list. People need to get it right! You're stands for YOU ARE. DUH! Makes you wonder where everybody was when contractions were being taught. I would like to give a full blown English lesson on my blog, but I'm sure one of two things would happen: A) I would screw it up and misspell a bunch of words, use incorrect grammar, or flub up the punctuation. B) All of my followers would think I'm talking about them, hate me, and quit following me.

    And seriously, people can NOT be happy ALL the time. They just can't.

    Thanks for linking up! :)

    (aka Mrs. Edwards)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like your list. I think skinny people who think they're fat are the most insecure people out there!
    My grammar isn't great, so I'm probably guilty of poor grammar.
    http://www.dont-worry-bout-a-thing.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your list made laugh out loud. I'm happy all the time...not. I try to be, just can't do it.
    And don't get me started on the skinny girl fat thing!!
    Thanks for linking up with the RHOK today.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL! I so love your list. You thought of some great peeves!

    Thank you for linking up with us over at The RHOK! =)
    ~Mrs. Albright

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, and I big, squishy heart love your blog name and picture!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh yes, great list. I hate all those too, especially the chronically happy and skinny girls who complain about being fat. That one's disturbing.
    Keep dreamin' and I hope you get a better sleep tonight.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm glad that you all found my list amusing. Here I am with raised blood pressure and a clenched jaw just thinking about my pet-peeves. Not really.

    Thanks for reading it. :)

    I was originally going to take this post down because I thought it was too negative, but I guess I'll leave it up for now. I must admit, too, that I did have fun writing it. Meh heh heh.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hear you with the crazy baby names and skinny people who think they're fat -So annoying! But, gotta admit I loved Napoleon Dynamite -I won't quote anything on here from it though ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. So, I went here through Scott's tip of the Day, and damn it, you're funny. I foresee myself losing an hour of my day reading your blog, so thanks for that :P And keep up the awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh my - I LOVE YOUR LIST!
    I'm totally with you on #2. My kids have very normal names. Mine is hard to pronounce so I refuse to do that to my kids.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ugh, I hate when skinny girls say they are fat. I'm like, b*tch, you weight less than me...what are you trying to say, I'm fat?!?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yes, any grammatically incorrect sentences annoy me! Love the rest of the list, too.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Visiting from BPOTW.
    Your list made me laugh. I am by no means a grammer slob but I HATE when I see 'Your' for 'You're'!
    Gah!
    Visiting from BPOTW.
    -r

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just hate those darn perky Pollyannas.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Funny stuff that last one was. I haven't read through all your blogs yet so please excuse me if I copy one of your preexisting themes. One more thing, I have to admit that I am pessimist to others rather than a realist for if I do they will say "a realist is just a way of indirectly saying you are pessimist." To which I would say "Well you're just a pest-i-mist!" and violence would ensue.

    ReplyDelete
  18. #1 One of my favourite books is Eats Shoots and Leaves. There are some great ones in there about grammar & punctuation!

    #2 So love this name that is currently popular La-a. In every school staffroom I land in I love to bring that one out !

    #4 Don't get me started ! Lol

    xMiss365

    ReplyDelete
  19. I had a student once whose name was "Sounique" Mhmm... So... unique...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Lol, I love this list and your "smiley"! I think that every new parent should be required to fill out the top part of a job resume with their chosen baby names.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hilarious!! they're (see how I used the correct one) funny because they're (ooh, there I go again) true!! Seriously glad that I found your blog on the Wandering Wednesday bloghop... its delightful, and may cause me to be annoyingly happy-- ALL THE TIME ;)

    hoping you'll stop by and follow me back.

    www.victoria-nouveau.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. oooh i hate people who haven't gotten off the napoleon dynamite bandwagon!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...