I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

By George! He's awesome!

Last night I was playing a board game called Loaded Questions. One of the questions that came up was If you could be like anyone who would you be and why? My answer: George Costanza, because he's my hero. It was a shame that the guy who read the answers aloud didn't know how to pronounce "Costanza", let alone didn't know who George was! Are you kidding me?!!!! He's only the greatest TV character of ALL time. And, because not everyone in the room knew who George was, I looked dumb for saying he's my hero after one of the other guys described George as "a bald guy who lives at home and is unemployed." But, there is so much more to George than that description. Those people in the room who didn't know who George was should be the ones feeling inferior because Georgie-boy is amazing, simply put.

George is my idol because:

He's cheap and not afraid to show it.
-Example 1: He will buy Elaine a nice cashmere sweater as a gift, but only because it's on clearance...for having a red dot on it. (The Red Dot episode)
-Example 2: When invited to a dinner party, George would rather bring Pepsi over a bottle of wine, and instead of cake, he wants to bring Ring Dings to save money. (The Dinner Party episode)
-I like people who are openly cheap--as long as they're not cheap with me. But it's okay if I'm cheap. Also, I like you generous people, too. Hmm...I just like people to give me stuff. Yeah.

He has the mentality that everything needs to balance out.
-George was in the bookstore and brought an expensive book into the bathroom with him to get some reading done while doing his business. He was not planning on buying the book, but once the bookstore employee found out the book had been in the bathroom he made George buy the book. George's plan to get his money back for the book (since the store wouldn't let him return it because it had been marked as a bathroom book) would be to steal a different book then return the stolen book to get cash that should make up for the cost of the bathroom book. (The Bookstore episode)
-I like his logic. But, stealing's a no-no. If you rip me off then I will try something passive-agressive to get back at ya. Say, for example. you're this one company that just charged me for medical services when I'm not even on the plan. If you don't give me my refund then I'm definitely going to write you a bad review on the Internet for everyone to see. See how it works? Good. :)

He thinks about nothing of importance.
-In one episode while at the coffee shop he was talking to Susan and wondered why bathroom stall doors don't go all the way to the floor. She wanted to change the subject. He didn't. This bathroom stall door length stuff is serious stuff. (The Postponement episode)
-I actually wonder about stuff that has no meaning. Just read some of my blog entries, and you'll see for yourself. Also...why in the heck did they make a 4th Indiana Jones movie?? It boggles my mind.

He is a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man."
-He is me in a male body.

He can't hold a steady job.
-I get bored with my dumb jobs, too, George. It's okay. We're just special. Of course, I've never been fired like you have. But it's okay, I still love you.
He will pretend to be someone he's not.
-Whether his goal is to impress someone or to have fun playing a role of someone who he wishes he were in real life, he can act. He's most well known for using the name Art Vandelay, and for being an architect. He has also been known to play the parts of a marine biologist, an emporter/exporter named Art Cordelay, and as being the author of La Cocina.
-I have only really pretended to be someone I'm not...in real life, once. Yep, my sister and I were in the same art class in high school and sat at the same table along with like, two or three other people. We told our tablemates we were twins and that our names were Brooke and Cindy. For that whole semester, I was known as Brooke, the twin to Cindy, who was in art. Awesome.

He is hard-working.
-George will work hard when he wants to. For example, he worked really hard to find a place to sleep in his office while at work. He may not be the hardest working employee but he sure is the hardest worker of trying to cut corners and manipulate the system. He was able to sleep under his work desk and even had a handyman do work to his desk and install shelves for an alarm clock for him to awake to. (The Nap episode)
-I have to admire his passion for sleeping at work. In fact, at the job I had before this current one, I would (accidentally) fall asleep while watching Seinfeld. Ironic. One time I was just chillin' there, probably snoring and drooling, and when I woke up there was this random girl in the room. Hmm. I wonder how long she had been there. Or, what she saw...or heard. I guess if you snooze you lose.

He will think really hard to try and get revenge...or, at least, a good comeback.
-"Hey George, the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp."
"Oh yeah, Reilly? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you." (The Comeback episode)
-You have to give George credit for all the effort he put into coming up with this comeback...in fact, it took him like, the whole episode to say that to Reilly. And, it takes guts to fly all the way to Ohio just so you can say a lame comeback, when you're just going to get thrown a comeback right back at you. A comeback that beats yours by 10 million points. Reminds me of my life.

He will go to great lengths to prove someone wrong.
-Example 1: George is about to breakup with the current girl he is dating because they never have anything to talk about. However, when George is about to break up with her, she tells him that her friend told her that George will break her heart. George therefore stays with the girl he was about to break up with to prove to the friend that he would never break the girl's heart.
-I would do the same.
-Example 2: He tells Susan's parents that he bought a house in the Hamptons. They, of course, know he didn't. They ask to see his house. So, being George, he drives them all the way to the Hamptons in hopes that they will just want to turn around and not see his place after he took forever to get there from stalling. He finally caves in, after pretending the whole day and driving them around all day, and tells them he doesn't actually own a house in the Hamptons. They simply reply with "We know". (The Wizard episode)
-I wouldn't do the same. What a waste of gas...but mainly a waste of the money I spent on gas.
He eats "gross" stuff.
-He ate a donut from the top of the garbage because the donut only had one bite in it. But, just as he was taking his glorious bite, the woman he was dating's mom walked in the room and saw him eating from the garbage. (The Gymnast episode)
-I used to be in high school. Consequently I needed to earn money for college. Consequently I worked at a movie theater. Consequently I would clean the theaters. Consequently there was food left in the theaters. Consequently sometimes there was half-eaten candy boxes left in the cupholders. Consequently...

He uses famous people as his claim to fame.
-In The Mom and Pop Store episode, George buys a Chrysler LeBaron just because the dealer told him that the car was once owned by John Voight. He then goes around telling everyone he was driving John Voight's car, even though the previous car owner wasn't the famous John Voight.
-Once upon a time, I owned a Chrysler LeBaron too...but I never said anyone famous used to own it. But that's besides the point. What I really want to say is that George and I both owned Chrysler LeBarons!! YES. However, my claim to fame is that the band Papa Roach is from my hometown and went to my rival high school. Unfortunately, they graduated a few years before I even started high school. And, besides, I'm not even a huge fan of Papa Roach.

He makes it look like he's putting effort into tasks.
-George is really excited to take his current girlfriend to a formal ball. However, when he finds out she wants to breakup with him before the ball, he avoids her at all costs. "If she can't find me she can't break up with me." She calls him. He never answers. He then pretends not to be avoiding her by calling her back at her home phone and leaving a message when he knows she's working at the time. (The Susie episode)
-So me.
-In one episode, George claims that by acting agitated all the time it makes you look busy and stressed, like you're doing a good job at work.
-Does it work for him? Oh yes, it does.

He is creative.
-When George finds out that his Christmas gift from his boss is a donation to The Children's Alliance, George figures he doesn't need to spend money on all his coworkers. So, he makes up a charity organization called The Human Fund and tells all of his coworkers that his Christmas gift to them is that he made a donation to this (made up) organization. (The Strike episode)
-How original is the name The Human Fund? Heck yes! Not only is The Human Fund a creative name, but it's a creative gift to give to fellow coworkers, while still not spending any money. The bonus for George is it makes him look good by pretending he's actually a part of a service organization that is out to make the world a better place. 

After listing just a few reasons why George is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, I'm surprised to see George never got married. Tell me, Magic 8 ball, since George and I have some similar qualities, am I in the same boat as him? Oh, spare me the answer on that question. But do answer this for me, what's not to love about George?


  1. My brother loves George and has compared himself to George many times. We were just talking about the Hamptons episode the other day. That is one of my all time favourite episodes.

    A TV character I would like to be like? Well, it's a short leap to Sheldon Cooper.. if only I were a little smarter.

  2. I recently got all the seinfeld episodes and have been watching them back to back to back. you can't really be back to back to back can you?...hmm...anyway, many of the stupid things that george ponders as well as the things that enrage him (the parallel parking episode) are probably the best moments of the program. seinfeld and kramer are funny occasionally but george steals the show every time.

    unless maybe if you are in a four back north south east west kind of back situation to which i would argue you aren't making full back contact., more like half back.

  3. I like George too. He's a very good...hm...instigator, I suppose. I like the whole cast but, episodes that focus on him are some of my favorites.

    Your blog is comedy gold. I found it while searching for comedy blogs. Well, actually, while searching for a way to search for comedy blogs. Anyway, I write one as well...it's just nice to see someone else who's doing the humor blog thing. Oh...here's mine...Elton Says Things!


Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.


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