I write about nothing of importance, which is important...to me.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Special Delivery

I was young.

I was naive

I was spontaneous.

I was a college sophomore.

And I was bored.

Bad combination.

I've always been big on recycling, thanks to a fourth grade sing-songy program that I participated in for my elementary school. The theme: Recycle, Reduce, Reuse! I still remember the lyrics: Recyccccccle, Reduuuuuse, Reuuuuuuse! Yeah! To stick to my good Samaritan roots that were instilled in me at such an early age, I've strived to reuse anything that's, well, reusable (but only if it's for a good cause).

Examples:

-Have reports from five years ago? Just turn each page around and print your next report on the opposite sides. Your professors will think you're cheap and poor, and guess what, you ARE cheap and poor. Therefore, the professors will have pity on you because you can't afford fresh paper, and will consequently give you a higher grade. Works every time.
-Have old, rotten Halloween candy? Just sell 'em to your younger brother. He will be your number one customer...and only customer.
-Have M&M wrappers, Dorito wrappers, Dasani water labels, ketchup packets, chopsticks, Taco Bell mild sauce packets, and Pizza Hut parmesan cheese and hot pepper wrappers laying around your college apartment? Create a meaty, saucy, sweet, and yummy man: Topher--who will hang around in your kitchen.


Topher with 2 Fans

-Have a dampen room with plain, boring white walls? Just pick up a hubcap from the side of the road and take it back to your apartment. Next, you should paint, and decorate the thang. I used markers and colored the thing to look like the sun. Then I hung it from the ceiling (Well, I didn't hang it from the ceiling). This unusual piece of art will then brighten up any depressing room. Bonus: it will also dramatically cut back your visitor intake. 
-Have a plate of old, hard cookies left on your kitchen table from who-knows-when? Well, then, I have a mighty fine story to tell you about what to do with these. I was attending BYU way back when I committed this random act of kindness, and was just trying to be the good girl, following BYU's motto: Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve. Serving is what I do best...especially when it comes to giving cookies away...

But...

My sister and her friend were visiting me for the weekend. Add this element to the mix and it becomes

lethal.

Right. Me entertain my sister and her bubbly friend? Just kill me now. Or then. Not having a car sure limited the activities we could take part in. Hmm. Actually, come to think of it, I guess we all could've taken a joyride in that one shopping cart that I had to push my groceries home in for a few blocks. Hmm. (I hate reflecting on my past because I always think of what I could've done differently).

Fast forward to later in the evening when my sister and her friend were expecting to do something fun. Here you'll get to see our work in the form of entertainment in action...

You will see my sister and her friend dressed incognito. You will hear their voices disguised to having an "Asian accent." You will see me hiding behind bushes with a camcorder, trying to record this once-in-a-lifetime event. You will see my sister and her friend knocking on a random door. You will then see a big, tall black man answer the door (whaaaaaaa? In Utah????? Fo' realz????). You will then see the surprise on my sister's and her friend's face...actually, you won't. They're in disguise, remember?

You will then hear my sister say in her beautiful accent, "Cookies for you," as she stretches her arms out with a plate full of cookies to offer him.

Then you will hear the man boom, "What is this crap?!"

Sister's friend: Cookies for you. (Asian accent still, remember. It makes the whole scenario funnier...to me.)

The dude: You're trying to give this crap to me???

Sister's friend: Cookies...for yooooou?

You will then see the guy turn around to talk to his pals in the apartment. You will see about five guys and a girl just chillin' on the couch, watching the whole awkward instance through the windows.

You will then see the man who is the size of the door frame come back to his "Welcome" mat. Next, you will hear him spew, "YOU are giving ME this crap? I don't want this *bleepity bleep*! Here, YOU eat 'em."

Sister mumbles with none other than, "Cookies for you."

You will see the man getting more mad. You will hear him huffing and puffing. You can only guess that my sister and her friend are shaking in their boots...or, rainbow toe socks over sandals, to be exact.

The man scans the porch, looking to see if this was a joke. Obviously, it was.

"Who the *bleepity bleep* are you?" The man yells at the high school oddly-dressed girls.

You will then hear silence from Sister and Friend. But you will hear snickering coming from my direction.
You will see me trying to zoom in with the camcorder to the looks on Sister and Friend's faces. But you will see nothing. Those dang sunglasses.

You will then hear the man break the silence with his overpowering voice, "Who the *bleepity bleep* are you? And what's this *bleepity bleep* you're trying to give me?!"

"Cookies. For. You."

"What the *bleepity bleep*?"

"Cookies not for you?"

Then you will see Sister and Friend drop the cookies at the man's feet and run like heck.
To my apartment.
That was across the street.

You will see me still hiding behind the bush, not knowing when to leave, as the pals are still looking through the window, and you can see in my face that I'm hesitant to walk past that apartment with a camcorder. You will then see me creep slowly past his apartment window, trying to hide the recorder, acting as if I were not a part of this whole thing that went down. As I walked past his door, still laying on his welcome mat were the cookies that Sister and Friend had so graciously tried to give him:

The cookies that had been sitting in my kitchen for who-knows-how-long, adorned with ketchup "frosting."


Now rewind the Special Delivery to 10 minutes prior to the delivering part. You will see my sister and her friend practicing their "accent." You will see them robing themselves with the most ridiculous clothing. (Cue in scrunchies ornamenting pigtails, rainbow toe socks combined with flip flops, huge sunglasses...) Take two steps to the kitchen and you will see me doing what I do best: recycle, reduce, reuse--but only to be neighborly.


Haha, this is going to be so funny! Let's deliver these cookies...Whoever answers the door won't know what to do. They'll probably look at us as if we're serious...and they'll have to say,  "Thank You"!!!!!!!

We were entertained in the making process before the delivery. Sister and Friend were not entertained during the delivery. We are all entertained with this incident years later.
 And, that is how to reuse perfectly good old, crusty, hard cookies. And guess what, you're doing something very neighborly in the process, because, honestly, most people are happy to receive cookies.

Like a good neighbor, Shannon is there...in the bushes.

27 comments:

  1. This made me a little sick to my stomach while simultaneously making me laugh....

    found your blog on TGIF.... funny stuff!

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  2. You should have posted the video!

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  3. Lol I love practical jokes. If you ever get a chance read my post Hairy hearts a comin. I think it might amuse you.

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  4. I snorted my coffee reading this ! Hilarious!

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  5. One of these days, I'm gonna decorate a cookie with ketchup just like you guys!

    Soooooooooooo funny!

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  6. I wanna see the video, too :P
    This is soooo funny!

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  7. Thats so great dude! love pranks! especially when caught on camera.

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  8. I love ketchup with all my heart but ketchup on cookies? UURRGHHHHHH ha ha!

    Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers

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  9. Hee hee. I love your stories!

    You reminded me of a ketchup-related practical joke my younger sister pulled once. (I hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna just share it here because there's no way in hades that I could get away with sharing it on my critter blog.) So yeah, she was in high school - a junior - and I was a college freshman. She and *her friend* decided that my ex-high school boyfriend needed to be tarred and feathered and then publicly flogged, but settled for plastering his cool Jeep (during a football game in which he was playing) with ketchup-decorated maxi pads. Yeah, and I think there might have been some belly-slithering under parked cars on her part (just after the *bleepity bleeps* and death threats).

    Sisters are such fun!

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  10. Wait, there are Asians in Utah too? Or just Asian accents? I'm so confused. But 'twas a great story indeed!

    That reminds me - I just played a joke on this huge ninja. I smeared dark brown cookie dough on his toilet seat. The ninja star in my calf was totally worth it!

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  11. Love the examples!!! I think I will have to try some of those :)

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  12. you're so funny! haha! i'm ur new follower now:)

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  13. haha, very funny story, and nice pictures.

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  14. Ketchup and cookies, now that's a real delicacy. Love to see the video!

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  15. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm totally peeing in my pants right now. HOWLING!!! You're too funny!

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  16. I just love your silly artwork. Thanks for the tip regarding hubcaps too.
    xoRobyn

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  17. When I saw 731 followers, I about fell out of my chair. After I read your hilarious story, I did fall out of my chair, laughing. You are a master at story-telling.
    You've definitely gained another follower.

    Do you have any advice for those of us new at this?

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  18. Love the hubcap and the halloween ones. Real life lessons I can use. haha

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  19. I am CRACKING up! What a HILARIOUS story! And, those drawings are so funny - especially the cookies!

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  20. Hi! I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can check it out HERE. You might have already recieved this award but I really find your blog interesting (and very funny too!!) and I think you really deserve it. Thanks! :)

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  21. Really funny, Shan!!!! I laughed out loud!!!! But I want to see the recording :D

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  22. That was "Bleepity, bleep" hilarious!

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  23. Please tell me you posted this on YouTube. I would die to see it! I also wouldn't have been able to keep a remotely straight face while having a fake, Asian accent. Cookies for you?
    Ava

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Thank you for reading and have yourself a great day. Or night. Whatever.

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